Several Fine Fellows

Vote Abe to the Super Bowl

2006-12-18T13:40:00.000-05:00

Vote for Abe here. Pitch #1.

Dan

Walker Tells It How It Is

2006-08-31T22:54:00.000-04:00

Think Javon Walker is happy to be out of Green Bay? Let's hear his thoughts on the status of his current team--the Denver Broncos--vs. the situation he left behind:

"Obviously, we have a chance to be a Super Bowl team," Walker said Wednesday. "Obviously, they have a chance to win four games."
That about sums it up. If you gave him 7 seconds to dream up some bulletin board material for the Packers' players, it's that. Too bad it will hardly inspire them and they will more than likely win about four games all season.

Dan

The Best Way To Fight a Bully

2006-08-27T21:18:00.000-04:00

We all know those guys. Heck, I'm a proud member of those guys' team. We do things to get rises out of people, to put them on the spot and to force them into a judgment call. What we say and do can, at times, lead to controversy, but in reality we don't actually care. We're just here for the Bud Light, essentially.

Matt Stone of "South Park" fame is another one of those guys. I am proud of him for his work, even though I haven't seen an entire episode of his show in my entire living life. Here's why:

"'South Park' had been nominated for its controversial episode 'Trapped in the Closet,' which poked fun at Tom Cruise and Cruise's faith, Scientology.

But to hear 'South Park' masterminds Matt Stone and Trey Parker tell it, they didn't think much of the episode.

'It's not really in the top five of shows that I think we did last year,' Parker told CNN prior to the Creative Arts show. 'I was surprised it got nominated because we just submitted it to be jerks,'" said Stone.

Fine company to have, indeed.

Dan

Sad Story

2006-08-27T18:39:00.000-04:00

Just no way to make sense of this.

"A former University of Kentucky baseball player and his new wife were among the 49 people killed when Comair flight 5191 crashed shortly after taking off from Blue Grass Airport Sunday morning.

John Hooker, of London, Kentucky, and Scarlett Parsley were on the flight heading to Atlanta. The two were married in front of 300 friends and family members Saturday night.

Former Kentucky baseball coach Keith Madison, who was in attendance, said their deaths were so tragic because they were so happy last night. Madison added 'It's just an incredible turn of events. It's really painful.'"

Dan

Steeler Imposter

2006-08-25T17:14:00.000-04:00

This story is just one of those where you have to share your head and wonder "How could someone even get away with that?" You hear stories about guys who travel up to Vermont for a skit trip weekend, and wind up convincing women they're members of the New York Giants. But they would never try to sustain that act over a long period of time. After all, it's rather easy to catch a liar in the act. Yet, Brian Jackson repeatedlyconned women into thinking he was different players on the Pitts burgh Steelers.

Last year, after getting caught, here's what was written up about Jackson:

"The ruse was so deep that Jackson would discuss his 'teammates,' talk about Steelers information and tell Valo when he was going out of town, the affidavit said.
He even told her to watch a game. That was Jackson's undoing. Valo turned on the Steelers one day and saw Brian St. Pierre on screen. Despite sharing a first name, Brian Jackson was no Brian St. Pierre. After the game, the affidavit said, Jackson called Valo and she confronted him. He told her she was 'crazy,' according to the affidavit, and said he looks different on TV."

Yeah, the camera doesn't just add 10 pounds, it makes you into an entirely different person.

Even after getting caught, Jackson decided it was worth doing again, this time posing as Jerame Tuman. Granted, nobody seems to care about backup tight ends in general, or 4th string-QBs for that matter, as ST. Pierre was at the time. This time, though, the woman repeatedly lent him money, thinking he, as a professional football player, would pay him back. To get her to trust him, he must have been one darn good con artist. Too bad he's a moron.

Dan

No Rotating for this Rotation

2006-08-08T22:45:00.000-04:00

"Going into Sunday's game against the Oakland A's, the Mariners were the only team that has used the same five starting pitchers this season."

I am amazed by this. And that's all I have to say about that.

Dan

Fantasy Becomes Reality

2006-08-08T19:25:00.000-04:00

Everyone has that one guy in his or his (not a typo) fantasy sports league who rips off the competition with one-sided deals. It causes the whole league to appeal the trade, the commissioner to be flooded with phone calls and text messages, and all out chaos to erupt in what was once a friendly atmosphere.

Which brings us to Example A, Jim Bowden. Only Bowden is the G.M. of a Major League team, while we're all just Average Joes. On Bowden's level, it's frowned upon as a practice. Treat MLB like it's a legitimate business, not a fantasy league, according to Reds general manager Wayne Krivsky.

"Krivsky sought an explanation Tuesday for why Cincinnati was unaware that reliever Gary Majewski had a sore shoulder when they got him in a trade with Washington.

'For me, your credibility is paramount, not only with (the media) but with other teams and the fans and your ownership. You lose your credibility, you're done in this business,' Krivsky said."

Bowden is now hated by G.M.s around the league. He's going to be the talk of the Yahoo message board.

Dan

Asian Invasion Hits Coors Field

2006-08-02T20:39:00.000-04:00

I was glancing at the listed starters for the Milwaukee-Colorado game this evening, as I am wont to do, and I noticed that the starting pitchers tonight are Tomo Ohka vs. Byung-Hyun Kim. Now, I won't (not wont) be "that guy" who goes and makes a tasteless remark about the nationalities of these two pitching legends. What I will point out is that Coors Field should expect a record attendance of 56 billion people. In between innings, there's sure to be a contest where you have to guess between 55.8, 55.9 and 56.0. Yatta! will reportedly be singing the National Anthem and throwing out the ceremonial first twigs and berries.

Dan

Yankees Drawn in Times Square

2006-08-01T23:16:00.000-04:00

I may be the only one who picked up on this, but it appears that the ESPN photos of Bobby Abreu and Gary Sheffield are cheap artistic representations of the real men. I'm really not sure which one of these men looks more like a cartoon character. Abreu, on the one hand, looks like a balloon with giant ears. It appears that the cartoonist accidentally drew a balloon (obviously thinking he was supposed to draw a balloon that was sitting in the chair alongside him) and, not wanting to waste paper, tried to transform it into a person's head. It's like trying to change a zero into a 7: it gets messy and it's obviously still a zero trying to resemble a 7.

On the other hand, there's Sheff who's not a caricature as much as the head on a bobblehead doll in his honor. It's the equivalent to putting Lil' Penny on the ESPN site instead of Anfernee Hardaway himself. Anyway, the Sheff here is too pale and dazed to be from a real photo.

Today we discover that flash photography is banned in Yankee Stadium along with facial hair. Now playing at a club near you: Bobby and the Bobbyheads.

Dan

Breaking Up (a Backcourt) is Hard To Do

2006-07-31T13:50:00.001-04:00

For the past God-knows-how-many seasons, Steve Blake and Juan Dixon have been running together. The backcourt combination of the duo has become a staple, if not a clothespin, of college and NBA ball. Where one goes, the other will follow. Blake is literally the White Shadow to Dixon's supreme court abilities.

And then, in one summer swoop, Blake ghets shipped out to Milwaukee in a trade for Jamaal Magloire. It looks like the pitiful Blazers are actually trying to compete for the 2006=07 season. Sacrifices needed to be made, which incuded the eventual breakup of this five plus year relationship.

Perhaps the most underplayd and most irrelevant storyline of the upcoming season will be when Portland travels to Milwaukee for the first time and the former teammates are squared up against one another. Oh, it's on now.

Dan

Hands Off this Guy's Goat Meat

2006-07-24T18:47:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry, but this story is too funny to not post. No words can accurately describe my reaction to the events that unfolded. The story speaks for itself:

A guy walked in a butcher shop in Springfield, Virginia, with his teenaged son Saturday evening to buy some goat meat.

"However, the workers said the man became so upset when he was given chicken that he slipped behind the counter and cut off his own hand. When police arrived, they said, the man was holding his severed hand screaming, 'I'm not a terrorist. I did this for my family.'"

Too many questions, all that begin with W.

Dan

Lookalike Sighting on VH1

2006-07-23T23:33:00.000-04:00

I've been watching the World Series of Pop Culture for some time now, as documented last week. And since then, it's been bothering me who host Pat Kiernan reminds me of. Until tonight, that is. I put my finger on it, finally. Kiernan shares a head with Brandeis' own, Doni Phillips.

Pardon me for being a novice Paint user. I try my best.

Dan

Take a look:

Miss Universe Saves The Universe, Says Reuters

2006-07-23T22:24:00.000-04:00

So the world is full of turmoil tonight. But we can be sure to set all of our differences aside for at leats one evening to enjoy the Miss Universe pageant. These ladies are on display for us to marvel at, and to perhaps forget even for a couple of hours about all the uncertainty and destruction that exists in the backdrop of the competition. A healthy reprieve from our concerns. That's what these women provide.

But if you're a Reuters correspondent, you have to play up that angle so much that it becomes melodramatic and laughable. How? By pretending that these women are the members of the U.N. or important people when it comes to foreign policy. Take a look at the lede:

"Even as conflict embroils much of the world, some 88 women hoping to be ambassadors of goodwill have gathered in Los Angeles this week vowing to put politics aside as they compete to become Miss Universe."

If the real ambassadors of good will had a swimsuit competition, I'd head for the hills. But based on the way that article reads, why not just appoint these 88 women to the United Nations? Let's just put politics aside completely.

Dan

Hillenbrand Can't Feel the Spotlight from the Dugout

2006-07-19T23:19:00.000-04:00

You know, at this beginning of the Major League season, I voiced my intrigue over how the Blue Jays planned to play three 3bmen at the same time (Eric Hinske, Shea Hillenbrand, Troy Glaus). The acquisition of Overbay knocked out Hillenbrand's chances of pulling a Youkilis and moving across the diamond permanently. And it seems that the club was unable to create enough at bats for all the players to remain happy. (I believe that Hinske has even been "Chipper"-ed and sent to the outfield.) Which brings us to today when Hillenbrand gets upset and finally lets some steam out. It resulted in his immediate release.

"Hours before, Hillenbrand criticized the organization and said he expected to be traded. The designated hitter and corner infielder was upset because he wasn't in the starting lineup for the second consecutive game and nobody in Toronto's front office congratulated him on adopting a baby girl last weekend."

Now, I believe that the best comparison here is to Ray Kinsella at the end of Field of Dreams when Shoeless Joe makes him feel like crap for wanting to see what's out in the cornfield. You can't blame him, after all he razed his prized crop for this imaginary game. But Hillenbrand here seems a tad more petty than that, and could use a swift kick in the rear from Ray Liotta. Demanding attention for a kind deed you did sort of nullifies the gesture in itself.

That Shea Hillenbrand, he's a noble individual.

Dan

Nine-Year-Olds Are World's Daddy

2006-07-18T20:54:00.000-04:00

The United States currently stinks at all professional competitions. And it's going to stay that way for a while, says World Cup coach Bruce Arena. How bad is it going to get? Endure this for the next 12 years, he says.

"Arena took over the struggling New York Red Bulls on Tuesday, but also predicted that his former squad -- the U.S. soccer team -- would not win consistently at the World Cup until 2018.
'Why did I say 2018? Because I know that it's not going to happen in 2010, 2014,' he said at his introductory news conference. 'We have a long way to go. To get there, you've got to know where you are. It's the same thing with this team. If I told you, we were going to compete for the MLS Cup right away, if I told you we were going to win a World Cup in 2010 ... who's going to believe that?'"

What that means is Arena must be scouting plenty a public playground from here to U.S. territories for the best soccer playing nine-year-olds we've ever seen. Frankly, who would be shocked at this point if Street and Smiths came out with a worldwide top 4th graders issue? Besides, we can get those visa papers working early and recruit the best of the bunch to come play for the United States when it really matters...in 2018.

Dan

Celebrate Good Times with Nick Punto

2006-07-16T19:20:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, as I watch athletes celebrate their achievements with teammates, I can't help byt be reminded of Enrico Pallazzo taking those moments to frisk some players. It's true that for some time now, players will congratulate each other by rubbing their hands all over a teammate's rear end. Mike Piazza inevitably will hold a press conference to proclaim that he's never been a willing partner in any of these celebrations, not that there's anything wrong with that.

And then a day like today rolls around and you realize why it's so important that Piazza not play for the Minnesota Twins. Had Piazza been involved, Punto would have been left with a post-game shiner as a result of this moment.

Is it me or is Nick Punto seemingly up to no good here? That mischevious face seems to convey the notion that he's been waiting all season for Rondell White to finally blast his first homer. And then when it finally came, Punto was ready to grab his personal share of the celebration.

Dan

Dazed and Ahmadinejad

2006-07-16T10:34:00.000-04:00

"Y'all ready to bust some ass?"--Fred O'Bannion, Dazed and Confused reincarnated as Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

You know, by now it's remarkable that this guy has any credibility. I wonder if his speech writers have graduated yet from kindergarten. The latest in the series of Ahmadinejad lashings:
"The Zionists think that they are victims of Hitler, but they act like Hitler and behave worse than Genghis Khan."

This guy ends up sounding like a bitter bully blocking the hopscotch board at recess. How can educated people take him seriously? His comment is akin to saying "Oh yeah? Your feet smell bad like an elephant...in its own dung....with bad body odor. Yeah."

So break that paddle out of frustration, why don't you, O'Bannion? But as Av, resident Iranologist puts it, the "problem is [Ahmadinejad] has access to nuclear weapons, [which] makes the situation more complicated."

Dan

Another Problem for Selig To Solve?

2006-07-16T10:11:00.000-04:00

There's a reason to like baseball. Throughout its thick tradition, wacky and wild things seem to happen almost on a regular basis. You've never seen catches like Gary Matthews' before and rookie phenoms like Francisco Liriano come along once in a blue moon. And then things happen on Saturday that it takes one avid fan to even recognize it's happened:

"It marked the first time in nearly three decades a full day of major league games were played without a save recorded."

And you just know that Commissioner Bud Selig is requesting an impromptu panel to put together a report to explain how this could happened. This could affect the game in larger ways, he will figure. Come up with a way to inflate statistics to keep fans coming out to the ballpark. The save, the most exciting of all statistics, needs to be saved, so to speak. Selig's menacing fingers can't stay out of the cookie jar. The auto-pilot button has been disarmed.

Dan

VH1 Pulls a Zuber

2006-07-10T23:00:00.000-04:00

I may be the only person in America to have noticed this. The World Series of Pop Culture debuted tonight on VH1 with Sweet 16 matchups airing from 10 to 10:30 p.m. at 10:30 to 11 p.m. During a commercial at 10:50 p.m., VH1 ran a promo for the next set of Sweet 16ers. In the promo, they stated that PDX-503 had advanced already, and wondered who would be the next team to make it the quarter-finals. The problem? At 10:50 p.m., PDX was still competing. Yes, they had revealed the winner of the competition before it had ended! They gave themselves away! They blew their own cover!

Dan

Marlins' Pinto Saves the Day

2006-07-05T23:14:00.000-04:00

The Florida Marlins doubled up the Washington Nationals tonight, 18-9. That's a blowout by every definition of the term, I would say. Major League Baseball, on the other hand, according to its esteemed rules, needs to reward every Marlin's contribution to this lopsided victory this evening. Renyel Pinto earned his first save of the season.

Now, I'm not one to go bashing on the save as a statistic; in fact, it helps us define what makes good relievers and Eddie Guardados, too. But to award a save in a game like that, it just makes you wonder why a player could get one under the circumstances. Andhere are the rules to qualify:

The relief pitcher is the finishing pitcher for the winning team
The relief pitcher himself is not the winning pitcher
The third condition may be satisfied by any one of the following:
The relief pitcher enters with a lead of no more than three runs and pitches for at least a complete inning
The relief pitcher enters the game with the potential tying run either on base, or at bat, or on deck
The relief pitcher pitches effectively for at least three innings.

And that's what Pinto did this evening. He pitched "effectively," allowing four runs over his three innings of duty. For that, he gets his name in the box score. His mom is surely proud.

Dan

Caught in the Public Eye

2006-07-05T23:00:00.001-04:00

First off, apparently the NY Metro Stars changed their names to the Red Bulls. That was news to me.

Well, apparently, a Red Bulls' player was busted like Zack Morris on Rosh Hashana, unable to blend into the crowd like the smoother operator, Ferris Bueller on his day off.

"Djorkaeff, 38, was a member of the French team that won the 1998 World Cup and later played for Bundesliga club Kaiserslautern. In his second season in Major League Soccer, he was given permission to leave the Red Bulls last week for "a serious family matter," but was caught by television cameras at the France-Brazil match in Frankfurt.

The New York club issued a release later in the day saying it gave Djorkaeff permission to attend to the family matter, but that he never mentioned the World Cup match as part of his trip."

Stuff like this isn't supposed to happen in real life, is it? Of course, teams aren't named after alcoholic beverages in real life either.

Dan

How to Talk to a Yankees Fan

2006-07-05T14:36:00.000-04:00

I am quoted on page 10, 53, 123, 167, 171 of a new book entitled "How to Talk to a Yankees Fan", which can be purchased here. It is a hilarious guide to hating the Yankees, their fans, and everything about them that everyone should enjoy.

Following his Inner Music

2006-07-02T10:14:00.000-04:00

We know him best as the former employee of local Harry's Pizza. He'd wow you with stories about working at a fish store and strumming on his guitar in the evenings. Today, I've received word that Robbie is alive and doing well, having followed his music all the way to Israel. He's living the dream, so to speak.

"Instead of firing up a joint, Robbie now he fires up the fireplace, opens his Tehillim, and strums the praise of Hashem on any one of his custom-crafted string instruments - guitar, banjo, or mandolin."

Inspiring.

Dan

Ghanan Chad Johnson Forced to Apologize

2006-06-19T21:36:00.000-04:00

Perhaps we have found the soccer-equivalent to Cincinnati Bengals' Receiver Chad Johnson:

"Ghana's Football Association apologized on Monday after John Pantsil, who plays for Hapoel Tel Aviv, pulled out an Israeli flag during Saturday's 2-0 victory over the Czech Republic."

Seem harmless enough. Who cried foul? Over what?

"We're not here for politics... We don't support Israel or Arab nations... It was unfortunate that the player was ignorant about the political situation." Ghana FA spokesman Randy Abbey added: "But he has apologized to us and I think the matter should end there."

I'm totally perplexed by this. Someone was offended by his actions? I fail to understand how showing tribute to his team back at home could somehow--in some way--cause people to misinterpret Pantsil's political views. If bearing a flag demonstrates someone's political views, and we're worried about offending others who witness us holding the flags, then how can we conduct a World Cup? The P.C. Cup would force us to sing every country's national anthem before every game. Maybe it was complaints from overly sensitive viewers that got Nickelodeon's Guts cancelled.

Dan

Turkey Players are Chicken

2006-06-13T23:04:00.000-04:00

How in the world did Hedo Turkoglu get denied entry onto the Turkish squad for the Aug. 19-Sept. 3 tournament in Japan? Who cares if he joined the team late. He's in the NBA...and plays. If there are players better than him, where are they playing now?

But more importantly, players like Mehmet Okur don't even want to play and are coming up with lame, and even refuteable, excuses to get tossed from this International jury:

"Okur is in doubt after he brought a medical report from the United States stipulating he'd been injured the whole NBA season - even though he didn't miss a game."

He wasn't injured, yet claims he was. Strange. You have to wonder why Turkoglu wants to be on a team that Okur is trying desperately to avoid like it was the plague. This fall, the plague hits Japan.

Dan

Larry King: Movie Reviewer?

2006-06-07T22:17:00.000-04:00

I may be the only person on earth to notice this. Recently, a series of commercials has been running on TV for the upcoming release of The Pink Panther on DVD. Part of the commercial includes a statement along the line of "Critics say it's 'flat out hilarious.'" They credit this to a reviewer whose name you can't exactly make out because the font is significantly smaller than everything else of the screen. That name, if look close enough, is Larry King. You can find a record of this here.

Was that really the best review the producers could find to air along with the DVD release? Did no actual movie critics like this movie? Why then would Larry King?

Also, related, why does Steve Martin fall down that subway stairwell?

Dan

Newest Steroid Culprit

2006-06-07T00:12:00.000-04:00

Report:

"Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Jason Grimsley told federal investigators he used illegal performance-enhancing drugs, according to court documents unsealed late Tuesday."

Oh, no! This will surely affect his chances at the Hall of Fame. Maybe they should stick an asterisk next to his 42 career wins. If this guy is on illegal performance-enhancing drugs, one has to wonder how bad he really is.

Dan

Shatner Saving Israel...i Horses?

2006-05-30T23:10:00.000-04:00

"William Shatner has embarked on a new mission -- to Israel.
It's there that the 75-year-old actor hopes that horses will help raise funds aimed at bringing peace to the Middle East."

Wonderful. Let's hope it ends the years of violence.

"Shatner and his wife, Elizabeth, who are both serious equestrians, were in Israel Monday visiting riding centers and promoting therapeutic riding -- a method where disabled people gain strength by horseback riding."

HUH? What kind of twist is that? Did The Onion release this and it got picked up by mainstream media? I refuse to believe this.

Dan

Mike Jacobs Isn't But I Heard His Agent Is

2006-05-28T13:49:00.000-04:00

Today in Florida, the Marlins are hosting Jewish Heritage Day. Part of the festivities this afternoon included handing out tee shirts with Marlins' first baseman Mike Jacobs' name on the back. Only problem? Jacobs is not Jewish.

"They said it wasn't done intentionally but I don't know about that,'' Jacobs said. "It's a big joke around here.''

They should have gone with Miguel Cabrera instead.

Dan

You Can DUI It

2006-05-27T21:48:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the latest installment of "Who's Hot, Who's Not" moms of NBA players edition. First up, Gloria James. Let's check in to see how she handled her DUI arraignment today:

"The mother of Cleveland Cavaliers star Lebron James pleaded no contest and was found guilty on Friday of four charges after her SUV nearly hit an unmarked police vehicle and she kicked a window of a patrol car."

Let's see how that bodes for the 38-year-old mom.

"James also must perform 100 hours of community service, pay more than $400 in fines and costs and pay for $150 in damage to the police cruiser."

Not bad, not bad. All things considered, she got off pretty nicely. Therefore, we're going to reward her with the Kosher Delight Hot Sauce Hot Mom of the Week award.

Now, on to someone who's not sitting as pretty as Ms. James: Carrie Mae Stoudemire.

"The mother of Phoenix Suns star Amare Sotudemire was sentenced Friday to three years in prison in a drunken driving case."

Ouch. Not as lucky, my friend. Go directly to jail, do not collect $200. In fact, pay $2,500.

Until next time,

Dan

Sometimes When You Win You Really Lose

2006-05-25T11:33:00.000-04:00

Rosie Perez was ahead of her time when she uttered those philosophically brilliant words in "White Men Can't Jump." She was referring to the possibility that a mediocre baseball team would someday win a game but still lose two of its players to bonehead injuries in the process. Sure, I've heard of some strange ones in my years, but never sequential.

"Nationals outfielder Jose Guillen left after two innings because of a left eye abrasion, and catcher Wiki Gonzalez also exited after three innings because of a mild concussion and cervical strain."

These the results of players giving it their all, on a team already stricken with pitching injuries up the wazzoo? See for yourself:

"Guillen hurt his eye earlier in the day during batting practice. The right fielder was seen rubbing his left eye with his batting glove and had problems heading into the game...Guillen saw an eye specialist, but there's no word on how serious the injury is."

"Gonzalez was behind the plate in the second inning, when he was hit in the head by Preston Wilson's back swing. Gonzalez said he was also hit on the mask by a foul tip that hurt his neck. The catcher is listed as day-to-day."

You can take the team out of Montreal, but you can't take the Montreal out of the team.

Dan

Bonds' Stock Rising Again After Poor 4th Quarter

2006-05-21T11:33:00.001-04:00

"Tyler Snyder caught Barry Bonds' 714th homer on the fly Saturday, snagging it cleanly with his glove. The people around the 19-year-old Athletics fan cheered wildly, with nobody assaulting or gouging him.

But Snyder's perfect catch was a rare moment of grace in this ragged, tainted quest for baseball immortality by Bonds, who ended a nine-game homer drought with a second-inning solo shot for the San Francisco Giants. Fans stood and applauded, and Bonds' peers acknowledged another milestone."

But what if the guy wanted to stay for the remainder of the game? Was he instantly banned from the ballpark? I don't know why we have to throw him out of the game. Clearly, he wasn't simply there to catch the ball--Snyder claims he doesn't particularly care for Bonds--but may have actually been an A's fan who wanted to see his team play the rest of the game. Couldn't they just escort the ball out of the stadium in an unmarked police car and allow Snyder to make use of his $15 bleacher seat?

Just something to think about. And...we're back!

Dan

Yo

2006-05-01T01:08:00.000-04:00

Buy gift baskets. Give me $5.

Strange posts

2006-04-04T17:46:00.000-04:00

Why am I posting blogs about commerical folding tables? Unclear.

More advice

2006-04-04T17:45:00.000-04:00

And if there is anything better than fresh flowers, it's fresh mothers day flowers.

Advice

2006-04-04T17:44:00.000-04:00

Fresh Flowers are better than not fresh flowers.

More Flowers

2006-03-27T17:53:00.000-05:00

Buy some Gerbera Daisies. Seriously. Do it. It really matters to me.

Dan

Disney Part Deux

2006-03-15T23:47:00.000-05:00

I sure could use an Orlando Vacation Home Rental now that my taxes are done. I don't know what they have to do with each other. Ah well.

Dan

Trucks

2006-03-15T18:54:00.000-05:00

Where can I find some truck accessories? If only there was a link on this very page to a website that sold them. Oh well.

Disney

2006-03-15T18:51:00.000-05:00

I am looking for a vacation home Orlando. That sentence would make more sense as "I am looking for a vacation home IN Orlando," but that wasn't the term I was given, so beat it.

Purim

2006-03-13T13:34:00.000-05:00

I need to get me some purim gift baskets. This is so lame.

UBoat

2006-03-03T10:34:00.000-05:00

Uboat has a very important job. I'm not sure if it involves stock option trading though.

Blog For Bling

2006-03-01T17:23:00.000-05:00

Don't you wish there was a way to make money blogging? Yeah, I do too. Unfortunately I haven't figured out a way yet. But some people have.

Dan

Ari Gold Candy

2006-03-01T00:48:00.000-05:00

If a character on Entourage started a business, it would be a brilliant! idea. He could even call it Buy Gold Bars not that it matters. The show is popular. Goldmine, indeed.

Dan

Girl

2006-03-01T00:40:00.000-05:00

If there is a girl that you like, send flowers to her. Maybe then she will put out.

Mr. Met

2006-03-01T00:38:00.000-05:00

Hiring Mr. Met to come for 3 hours is not an example of cheap wedding favors. Dressing up as spiderman is one.

Investing

2006-02-17T16:19:00.000-05:00

If you have a very importan job, you may want to find out some stock tips. Stock option investing is always in style.

Dan

Apprentice

2006-02-17T16:18:00.002-05:00

Someone should inform Donald Trump that one of his new contestants has a strange affinity for paintball guns.

Gold

2006-02-17T16:18:00.001-05:00

What's the price of gold in China you may wonder? You can get gold price quotes for China and other countries here.

Dan

Pet tags

2006-02-17T16:18:00.000-05:00

Pet tags. That's all.

NASCAR

2006-02-17T16:17:00.001-05:00

Nascar is on TV right now. Watching it while sitting in one of my commerical office chair s.

Insurance

2006-02-17T16:17:00.000-05:00

Need some auto insurance? Just stop getting into accidents maybe. Or get better insurance I guess.

Dan

Flowers

2006-02-17T16:16:00.000-05:00

Remember all those festive flowers we tell you to buy? Here are some more. It's never too early for mothers day flowers.

Dan

I'm going to Disney World

2006-02-17T16:15:00.000-05:00

After winning Super Bowl MVP, Heinz Ward is on his way to Disney. Let's hope he can find a good orlando vacation property to stay at while he's there.

My Letter in the Jewish Week

2006-01-26T21:14:00.000-05:00

I have a letter in this week's New York Jewish Week. You can find it here.

Dan

lawsuit

2006-01-19T13:44:00.000-05:00

Apparently, in the latest prempro lawsuit, the plaintiff is filing a 12b6 motion for failure to state a claim upon which relief can be granted. Nobody knows what this mean, but that's ok because nobody is reading this. G'day.

Repeat

2006-01-19T13:42:00.000-05:00

I feel like I have already discussed this before, but you can't believe the low rates that are available for precious metal financing these days.

Lastly

2006-01-17T23:05:00.000-05:00

If you really want to go out, try diamond bracelets. But that's all I got.

Dan

Alternative Means

2006-01-17T23:04:00.000-05:00

If flowers don't work for you, maybe try gift baskets.

Dan

Our Version of Romance

2006-01-17T23:00:00.000-05:00

I still can't get over the fact that there is a religious holiday that is oriented entirely around taking your wife to dinner and giving her a box of chocolates. Jews have no equivalent, which I guess says something about the whole process of falling in love the Jewish way. I don't think there is anything halachically assur about giving flowers though, which may or may not coincide with a holiday being celebrated by others on February 14. If you care to honor your significant other then, here's a link to Valentine Flowers which can work for any occasion or any person.

Dan

Back in school

2006-01-11T13:47:00.000-05:00

It's great to be back in school except for the whole having to go to class part, which is far more boring than I ever remember it being. The one exception was yesterday, when we learned about this exciting Bextra lawsuit that has legal scholars everywhere scratching their heads.

Price of Gold

2006-01-11T13:44:00.000-05:00

The price of gold can be found by visiting this website.

Oh Pearl

2006-01-09T17:44:00.000-05:00

You know anyone named Pearl? I know someone whose middle name is Pearl. I am actually struggling to come up with birthday present ideas for her as June starts to come onto the monthly radar. I guess I could get a head start on my shopping by just visiting a store that sells pearl jewelry. Can it get more from the heart than that?

Dan

Web Marketing

2006-01-09T17:42:00.000-05:00

Apparently some people have been making money off of blogs. This surprises us fine fellows but we are envious of those who have found a way to make it work for them. They are very smart, far smarter than us measely weasels down here in the drudgery. Search Engine Marketing has become very popular of late. We really should hop on that train.

Dan

Flowers Make a Great Gift

2006-01-09T17:40:00.000-05:00

I went away for the weekend and decided to bring flowers along. The problem is that I don't know how to make a bunch, and there was nobody at the flower stand at the local supermarket. I was forced to go to another store. I guess I should have just done flower delivery and been done with it. Boy would that have been convenient during those tough times.

Dan

I Guess Wearing a Yarmulke Is Out Of Style

2006-01-06T12:56:00.000-05:00

The Washington Post ran a story this morning criticizing Jack Abramoff's choice of dress for his hearings in Washington, D.C. and Miami this week. What the writer fails to realize though is that Abramoff was avoiding a chillul hashem by not showing up in a yarmulke and having his photos published all over the Internet. That would have wound up being very bad news for the Jews, so instead he wore whatever hats he could dig up, making sure to fulfill his religious commitment to cover his noggin with something at all.

That was obvious to anyone who knows that he is an Orthodox Jew who regularly wears a yarmulke, even professionally. Without that piece of information, the article doesn't seem to make any sense, as the writer denounces him for the looks he wound up pulling off. I am sure that Abramoff did not care how he presented himself, simply worrying about getting around appearing so openly in a yarmulke and being identified as that. It's a shame that he has to worry about that, but that is the world we live in.

The article can be accessed here.

Dan

My Letter to the Ethicist

2005-12-31T21:30:00.000-05:00

Take a look here. How ethical of me.

Dan

Wedding Crashing Story Comes Full Circle

2005-12-28T22:42:00.000-05:00

The WSJ is developing a sense of humor, it seems.

Excerpt:

"This past April, a wedding invitation arrived from an unfamiliar address. "Dear Marc and Tara," an enclosed note said, "We crashed your wedding on our second date. We would be honored if you would attend ours. Sincerely yours, Todd and Liz."

Good stuff.

Dan

Mets Lead League In Commercials

2005-12-28T21:43:00.000-05:00

Here's a reason to love the Mets: their mischievous mascot. Mr. Met should really be getting a lot more cash for his commercials because he's just fabulous. If only he and Peyton Manning would be brought together for one spot.

The fifth commercial here is a personal favorite of mine simply because the mascot's head is so freakin' large and they call complete attention to it. "Dude, I can see like 80 percent of your head" makes me laugh every time.

Next time you're at Shea Stadium play the game my friends and I made up. It involves spotting Mr. Met inside a large crowd of people. Sometimes it's trickier when he fraternizes with the crowd while seated in a box seat.

Dan

Teams: Please Stop Signing Players You Don't Need

2005-12-27T23:13:00.000-05:00

There used to be a time in baseball when teams would assess their talent and then use the free agent/trade market to fill in their holes. For instance, if you had a bad catcher, you would see what catchers are available or on the trading block, and then doggedly pursue them. You wouldn't however see an available left fielder, sign him, and then tell him "by the way you're playing catcher."

But it appears that teams have headed off in that wacky direction this off-season. I watched as the Yankeees tried to sign every possible free agent and to maneuver someone from the infield to centerfield. Alas, they were forced in the end to sign a centerfielder to man that position.

The Dodgers signed Rafael Furcal and Nomar Garciaparra even though they didn't have spots for them. Somehow, they will make it work.

And the Nationals traded for Alfonso Soriano hoping he would switch to left field. Little did they know he doesn't want to and would prefer to play 2nd base or be traded. If they were so committed to letting Jose Vidro man that spot, why did they trade for Soriano in the first place?

But this really hit a new low recently. I watched as the Toronto Blue Jays started three third basemen last year: Corey Koskie at his position, Sean Hillenbrand at first base, and Eric Hinske at DH. They really made it work too even though they're all in my mind the same player. But with this less than ideal situation already, you wouldn't believe the team would go out and get 1b Lyle Overbay and 3b Troy Glaus this off-season now, would you?

And so they did. Now they will either have to find new positions for two of their four 3bmen--have to assume Overbay is starting at first now--or else they will sit. Tell you what, though. That may be the deepest position any team has, including the White Sox pitching staff.

Dan

Bounce

2005-12-26T00:29:00.000-05:00

Congrats to Bounce and his gal on their engagement this weekend. Bounce promises to be one of the greatest new york lawyers in the history of the world. To see their only simchas page, click here. To read Bounce's baseball blog, click here. To see a picture of a dog wearing a tallis, click here.

Kong

2005-12-26T00:27:00.000-05:00

Went to see King Kong tonight. Was a good movie but there was no reason it had to be 3 hours. They easily could have cut out an hour and the movie would have been just as good. That's the problem with movies now- I guess somehow it's not worth it to spend all that money on special effects if you're not gonna force people to stay in the theater for at least 2 1/2 hours. How that makes sense, I don't know. To be fair though, considering silver prices these days, it's really hard to blame them.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Work Tonight

2005-12-24T22:39:00.000-05:00

You know what's funny? Monkeys with hats. They just seem to make me giggle every time I think about them. See, there I go again? But I digress...

Know what's not funny? Cancer. But second on that list is animal abuse. So take better care of your pets, you hear? Start off with these wonderful pet ID tags.

Dan

Yankees Eye More Jewelry

2005-12-24T22:36:00.000-05:00

With their recent addition of Johnny Damn, the Yankees seem like the front runners to get to the World Series in 2006. I know we say it every year, but this year they seem extra committed to make that dream into a reality. How do I know? Because of the new bling they can take home and cherish. At reasonable prices, you have to think Damon will be buying A-Rod some diamond jewelry from this set.

Dan

She's a man baby!!!

2005-12-23T12:24:00.000-05:00

I don't post often, or ever for that matter. But this story just freaks me out. Read more here.

My Letter In The Commentator

2005-12-20T22:42:00.000-05:00

Take a look here. It's down below the Sy Syms guys trying to impress you by using large words and convoluted sentences.

An excerpt for those of you without a password:

"While my instinct presses me to denounce Buckman's article as mere rubbish, I have to admit that he reached me. It was a healthy and unexpected appeal for people, no matter who they are, to awaken, or even to conceive, their inner stoner."

Pow, Pow!

Dan

Isn't the Hall of Fame an Exclusive Club?

2005-12-19T09:31:00.000-05:00

Look, I don't mean to come down hard on the current ex-leaguers who are vying for their spot in the Hall of Fame lineup. But with expansion, and the amazing growth of the game, there are simply too many deserving players retiring at a steady pace for certain less deserving guys to ever really have a shot. But that doesn't stop them from getting a vote here and there, possibly the result of someone's pity or practical joke.

Just look at some of the guys who are eligible this year:

Gary DiSarcina, Alex Fernandez, Gary Gaetti, Gregg Jeffries, Ozzie Guillen, Doug Jones, Hal Morris, Willie McGee, Walt Weiss, and John Wetteland. You can see how people feel about these guys and others here.

I think that the votes they try to sway away from the likes of Andre Dawson and Jim Rice--much more deserving players--may impact the overall results. Of course, when B.J. Surhoff becomes eligible in a decade or so I will start a campaign to try to get him in to the Hall. Perhaps someone somewhere is doing the same for each of these guys.

I'd pick Hal Morris out of that bunch, personally. But that's just me.

Dan

Do Not Read This Blog

2005-12-15T18:44:00.000-05:00

Don't look at this blog anymore. It's probably the only way to stop Avo writing stupid posts that are geared to include advertisements. I have been a part of this blog from the beginning and it is very hard for me to say this but it is a necessary action. So until further notice, do not read this blog.

YU guys

2005-12-15T18:10:00.000-05:00

Top 5 places for a YU guy to meet girls:
1. On the shuttle
2. One of those dorky shabbatons in midtown
3. Precious Metal Market
4. One of those dorky SOY events
5. A friend's lchaim

Almost halfway there

2005-12-15T17:55:00.000-05:00

While most of the semester I've pretty much coasted by not doing too much work, these weeks of finals are really a killer. See my daily schedule that I posted a week ago for more on this. Anyways, by this time tomorrow I will be halfway done. Then it's only a few more days before I'll be back home playing Pacman, Streetfighter, NFL Blitz, and all the other arcade legends that made my childhood so great. Can't wait!!

Detroit Speaks out Against Disengagement

2005-12-15T17:40:00.000-05:00

Seem the color orange is back at it again, this time protesting Matt Millen retaining his job despite underperforming as Detroit Lions' CEO.

"As a means of protest, The Lions Fanatics are asking fans to wear the color orange to the December 18, 2005 Detroit Lions’ home game. Wearing the color orange serves two purposes.

First, the color is highly distinct and will not be confused with the Detroit Lions’ team color in an effort to maximize visibility. Second, the color orange is one of the team colors of the Detroit Lions’ December 18th opponent, the Cincinnati Bengals. "

Since it worked so well the first time...

Dan

Snowstorm Averted

2005-12-15T17:31:00.000-05:00

I was actually prepared for this snowstorm today, heading off to work in gloves, scarf and hat. I was actually looking forward to the storm, so I could slay the beast, so to speak. But when around noon it became clear that it was mostly rain, I couldn't help but think that I was being played for a fool. But as I always say, tis better to prepare for the worst and to be played the fool, than to be stuck with an accutane lawsuit.

Tonight, we celebrate!

Dan

ESPN Minute by Minute Fantasy Analysis

2005-12-15T13:06:00.000-05:00

Note: The following is a parody of ESPN.com's fantasy basketball analysts. Do not confuse this for any one particular article; it's a synopsis of what appears on that site every day. Names have been held back out of fear of the columnists will come after me.

"I really like what I'm seeing from Earl Boykins tonight. Four assists in the first half. That's why I named him to my top ten underrated, undersized stars last week. He's just showing me something now, playing with that fire and passion."

"I've been hugely disappointed with Tim Duncan's play of late. He came up with big games in recent weeks and I expected 35 and 20 out of him here tonight. With just 12 points and 5 rebounds at halftime, he is way off pace. He drops down to third on my player of the week rankings."

"I think DeSagana Diop is a real force for the Mavericks this year, and should be credited with their hot start. He's pounding the boards and opening up lanes for his teammates. If you look up the word 'unselfish' in the dictionary, there will be a picture of Diop."

"The Bobcats' win tonight is a sign of them turning their season around. I wouldn't be surprised if they rode this win all the way to the playoffs. In fact, come March, we may be talking about Emeka Okafor for the M.V.P. If it works out, you heard it here first. If not, just disregard it and pretend I never said anything. Tomorrow I will make the same claims about another player of my choosing. It's part of a week-long series titled 'Big Stars inside little constellations.'"

It seriously has to end.

Dan

The Last Call with Death Row Inmate

2005-12-14T23:58:00.000-05:00

***Disclaimer--"the lam girls will not voluntarily be the subject of your humor."***

I was not the least bit surprised when I read this evening about some extra-curricular conjugal activities performed by death row awaitee, Charles V. Thompson.

Actual CNN Headline: "Death row escapee enjoyed time on lam."

As a result of this disparaging news, Y.U. President Richard Joel has issued a Stern warning to keep the girls at bay. The culprit is now safe at home with her family.

Dan

The Crunk Awards for Top Media Errors and Corrections

2005-12-14T09:23:00.000-05:00

Sometimes even newspapers make mistakes...

Dan

Bar Mitzvahs Go Beyond Limbo Sticks

2005-12-13T09:39:00.000-05:00

"It's one of the things we're known for, hiring gorgeous staff," Pat James, Bar Mitzvah planner, says as he helps a bartender prepare martini glasses right before the start of festivities.

"This, by local standards, is a modest affair. Hundreds of New York bar mitzvahs cost $100,000 or more. Many top the quarter-million-dollar mark. If you're ready to spend that sort of money on a five-hour shindig for an eighth-grader, Pat James is the man to see."

Yes, I know people have been doing this for a long time, and it's not just New Yorkers who blow their money on these things. But I'm still wowed by it.

Dan

Rambam and Ramban Square Off

2005-12-11T09:58:00.000-05:00

The Washington Post announces the weekend's upcoming area high school basketball games. Local people call in to inform them of teams and times, and they just print it in a small box at the bottom of the high school coverage. On Saturday they ran "Ramban at Hebrew Academy at 9:30."

It's actually Rambam (of Baltimore) they were referring to. How they confused a 13th century Catalan rabbi, philosopher, Kabbalist, and bibical commentator for a 12th century Catalan rabbi, philosopher, Kabbalist, and biblical commentator is somewhat comical indeed. Oh, and they also were both born in Spain and enjoy chewing on sunflower seeds. Go figure.

Dan

Gerald Pressman Has Amazing Fingers

2005-12-10T22:24:00.000-05:00

'Redskins' Is Offensive. Period.

"Marc Fisher ["Block That Mascot? Bite Your Tongue," Metro, Nov. 17] quotes a Sports Illustrated survey indicating that a large percentage of Indians do not find these nicknames offensive.

But how was the survey conducted?

Indian Country Today, the leading American Indian magazine, asked its readers the same question, and the results were nearly the opposite.

Much of the pageantry is clearly offensive and a parody of religious ceremonies practiced by American Indians. Imagine someone from another religion, in Orthodox rabbinical attire, running on the field after a touchdown, throwing a Torah in the air, or a person dressed as a priest, tossing rosary beads into the crowd. It's nothing anyone would stand for or defend if it were another race or religion. The use of Indian mascots and names by non-Indian schools and sports teams is insulting, including those endorsed by a particular tribe.

-- Gerald Pressman, Falls Church.

The writer is director of FindAnotherName.com."

While Pressman is more than likely correct in his opinions, his argument is clearly flawed because, ahem, how is that the same???

I think, faced with the events that have come to light here, Pressman should change his site to FindAnotherArgument.com, hopefully one that makes a little bit of sense.

Dan

ESPN Editors have Questionable Sense of Humor

2005-12-08T14:58:00.000-05:00

Current ESPN Headline reporting Kenny Rogers' signing:

"Report: Tigers make $16M gamble on Rogers"

Perhaps 4% of people will read that and say "How clever. Kenny Rogers was also a singer's name who is famous for singing a song titled 'The Gambler."

Snort.

Dan

Kyle Korver Enters the Hip Hop Scene

2005-12-07T23:42:00.000-05:00

Here is the list of NBA players who have been fined $10,000 by the league for wearing their shorts too long (below 0.1 inch above the knee):

"To date, $10,000 fines have been handed out to New York's Nate Robinson and Stephon Marbury; Philadelphia's John Salmons, Kyle Korver, Allen Iverson and Kevin Ollie; Indiana's Jermaine O'Neal, Stephen Jackson and Jamaal Tinsley; Jeff McInnis of New Jersey; and Voshon Lenard, DerMarr Johnson and Andre Miller of Denver."

Korver? Seriously? Look at that list. What's this say about him?

Dan

Holiday Cheer

2005-12-07T20:23:00.000-05:00

So sue me, I haven't written in a while. Although I know all of you (Moro) look forward to my posts, I figured that if the Sports Guy took the holidays off, so could I. I had originally planned to take off from Thanksgiving till the end of Kwanzaa, but when I checked the blog today I must say I was quite disturbed. You see, there are many annoying things on the internet. We have popups, but if you don't like popups, you can get a popup blocker. But when I saw that our perfectly good blog has been littered with random advertisement links, I must say I was very disappointed. While I have been known to link to some weird things, I ask you all, who didn't enjoy that picture of a doody head? And let's be honest, Av would be lying if he told you that he didn't enjoy that link to the shirtless man. So, I'll leave you all with some great deals on travel for the holidays. (Alright, that is not a link to travel deals, but at least it's not a link to vioxx either. Which reminds me, what the hell is vioxx and why the hell is it so popular on the internet?)

Snowball fight

2005-12-07T17:59:00.000-05:00

The other night after a long day, Zubes and I devised a hilarious scheme: we went over to Bounce's place, rang the doorbell, waited for him to come outside to open the door, and then pelted him with snowballs. Such good times. I hope he doesn't sue us though, because then I will have to hire a vioxx attorney, and we all know how much of a hassle that could be.

Beatles

2005-12-07T17:57:00.000-05:00

Here is a list of my 5 favorite Beatles songs:
1. Let it Be
2. While My Guitar Gently Weeps
3. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts
4. Hey Jude
5. Yellow Submarine (aka Yellow Diamond Rings)

Finals suck

2005-12-07T17:53:00.000-05:00

My life is so depressing right now. My schedule is roughly: 9am-wake up, 10am- go to Hillel where I study in the grad lounge, 12pm-lunch, 1pm-back to studying, 6pm-dinner, 730pm- back to studying, 12am- go to sleep. It's ok though because I listen to depressing songs all day to drive the depression even deeper in. As long as I don't end up with one of those Risk Management Jobs, I'll be happy though. Those are the worst.

Metsblog lies

2005-12-07T17:50:00.000-05:00

For the last week, many of us have been getting much of our baseball information and rumors from a site called Metsblog. However, I will not be relying on it any more because it is clear that Metsblog, much like NFL.com and CNN, lies. They said that the Mets were getting Zito and now today they say that they won't. I call that lying. As punishment, I decree that Pet Tags should be placed on each of the writers for Metsblog so people will know that much like pets, they are liars

World Knows How Tough Brett Favre is

2005-12-04T20:06:00.000-05:00

See, here's the thing. Brett Favre's finger is falling off and he still decides to go back into the game. He's tough. We know that already; it's a given. To play 206 consecutive starts at quarterback you have to be.

So the Chicago Tribune releases its game summary to the press, and it reaches all the way to San Jose where I guess a select few people actually care about football (I am shocked they didn't have a parade to welcome Joe Thornton to town, being that hockey is their only sport and everything). And papers do this all the time, supporting and helping each other. Which is all fine. But take a look at how the article ends:

"Tonight and (Monday) it will be really sore," said Favre, who hesitatingly added that he has a large blister on his right foot and got kicked in the right shin.

"It's nothing I can't handle. I'm just kind of banged up. (Defensive back) Mike Brown caught me one time perfect in the ribs. I fell on my head. I got hit in my back late in the game. You find out how tough you are."

"The rest of the league found that out about him a long time ago."

Why not just let Favre end his own article with his quote? Why add a throwaway line like that to the end ala Newsweek. It's not good reporting or writing. What's the point of it?

Dan

Ripped From The Headlines

2005-12-01T18:02:00.000-05:00

Separated At Birth: CNN.com's example of a baby born in Malawi, "a poor central African country where the life expectancy is only 37 years" and Gollum from the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

It's getting quite hot in here suddenly,

Dan

Imagine Living Next To This Guy (A Must See)

2005-12-01T11:36:00.000-05:00

Video...too....good....for.....words.

Please watch this multiple times. Make sure to check out the comments below.

Dan

Urbina Still a Coveted Free Agent Closer

2005-11-30T14:54:00.000-05:00

Katzper forwards us a link to the list of top 12 available relievers. Take a look at Ugueth Urbina's potential suitors. What's so great about this is that his legal woes have definitely lowered his value, meaning that he would have been ranked higher had he not gotten into trouble.

Don't forget what his lawyer said recently.

"This, of course, can in some way hurt his career as a professional ballplayer, and all will depend on the way in which he is brought before justice," defense lawyer Jose Luis Tamayo said.

I think it's fair to say that it has already begun to hurt his career. "Just don't murder anyone, and we'll get paid," he probably told him. So much for that, Tamayo.

Dan

Dre Bly is Now a Jackass AND a Weasel

2005-11-30T14:10:00.000-05:00

If you're going to come out and identify a player or players that are responsible for your team's constant losses, at least have the cohonas to stand by your words. Dre Bly, instead, backs down to management, forced to parade himself in front of him team and to say he's sorry for the comments he made recently directed at starting Quarterback Joey Harrington.

Dre, baby, get ahold of yourself. So you were quoted on the record. So what? Your interim coach is mad at you for singling out Joey, who's now crying in his locker and realizes that everyone must feel the same way. And you still beleive it, as you should. Because it's true. Harrington has given your team nothing. But, my God, Dre, stick to your convictions.

I hope the Lions dump Bly now, not because of his comments, but for admitting he did something wrong here. Dre, take it from me. Never, ever apologize. Always rationalize it as being not so bad and hold to that story until it passes over. Believe me, it always does.

It's okay to be a jackass. People will learn to deal with a jackass. But being a jackass and a weasel...that's just too many species mixed together to somehow find inner harmony.

Dan