Walker Tells It How It Is

Think Javon Walker is happy to be out of Green Bay? Let's hear his thoughts on the status of his current team--the Denver Broncos--vs. the situation he left behind:

"Obviously, we have a chance to be a Super Bowl team," Walker said Wednesday. "Obviously, they have a chance to win four games."
That about sums it up. If you gave him 7 seconds to dream up some bulletin board material for the Packers' players, it's that. Too bad it will hardly inspire them and they will more than likely win about four games all season.

Dan

The Best Way To Fight a Bully

We all know those guys. Heck, I'm a proud member of those guys' team. We do things to get rises out of people, to put them on the spot and to force them into a judgment call. What we say and do can, at times, lead to controversy, but in reality we don't actually care. We're just here for the Bud Light, essentially.

Matt Stone of "South Park" fame is another one of those guys. I am proud of him for his work, even though I haven't seen an entire episode of his show in my entire living life. Here's why:

"'South Park' had been nominated for its controversial episode 'Trapped in the Closet,' which poked fun at Tom Cruise and Cruise's faith, Scientology.

But to hear 'South Park' masterminds Matt Stone and Trey Parker tell it, they didn't think much of the episode.

'It's not really in the top five of shows that I think we did last year,' Parker told CNN prior to the Creative Arts show. 'I was surprised it got nominated because we just submitted it to be jerks,'" said Stone.

Fine company to have, indeed.

Dan

Sad Story

Just no way to make sense of this.

"A former University of Kentucky baseball player and his new wife were among the 49 people killed when Comair flight 5191 crashed shortly after taking off from Blue Grass Airport Sunday morning.

John Hooker, of London, Kentucky, and Scarlett Parsley were on the flight heading to Atlanta. The two were married in front of 300 friends and family members Saturday night.

Former Kentucky baseball coach Keith Madison, who was in attendance, said their deaths were so tragic because they were so happy last night. Madison added 'It's just an incredible turn of events. It's really painful.'"

Dan

Steeler Imposter

This story is just one of those where you have to share your head and wonder "How could someone even get away with that?" You hear stories about guys who travel up to Vermont for a skit trip weekend, and wind up convincing women they're members of the New York Giants. But they would never try to sustain that act over a long period of time. After all, it's rather easy to catch a liar in the act. Yet, Brian Jackson repeatedlyconned women into thinking he was different players on the Pitts burgh Steelers.

Last year, after getting caught, here's what was written up about Jackson:

"The ruse was so deep that Jackson would discuss his 'teammates,' talk about Steelers information and tell Valo when he was going out of town, the affidavit said.
He even told her to watch a game. That was Jackson's undoing. Valo turned on the Steelers one day and saw Brian St. Pierre on screen. Despite sharing a first name, Brian Jackson was no Brian St. Pierre. After the game, the affidavit said, Jackson called Valo and she confronted him. He told her she was 'crazy,' according to the affidavit, and said he looks different on TV."

Yeah, the camera doesn't just add 10 pounds, it makes you into an entirely different person.

Even after getting caught, Jackson decided it was worth doing again, this time posing as Jerame Tuman. Granted, nobody seems to care about backup tight ends in general, or 4th string-QBs for that matter, as ST. Pierre was at the time. This time, though, the woman repeatedly lent him money, thinking he, as a professional football player, would pay him back. To get her to trust him, he must have been one darn good con artist. Too bad he's a moron.

Dan

No Rotating for this Rotation

"Going into Sunday's game against the Oakland A's, the Mariners were the only team that has used the same five starting pitchers this season."

I am amazed by this. And that's all I have to say about that.

Dan

Fantasy Becomes Reality

Everyone has that one guy in his or his (not a typo) fantasy sports league who rips off the competition with one-sided deals. It causes the whole league to appeal the trade, the commissioner to be flooded with phone calls and text messages, and all out chaos to erupt in what was once a friendly atmosphere.

Which brings us to Example A, Jim Bowden. Only Bowden is the G.M. of a Major League team, while we're all just Average Joes. On Bowden's level, it's frowned upon as a practice. Treat MLB like it's a legitimate business, not a fantasy league, according to Reds general manager Wayne Krivsky.

"Krivsky sought an explanation Tuesday for why Cincinnati was unaware that reliever Gary Majewski had a sore shoulder when they got him in a trade with Washington.

'For me, your credibility is paramount, not only with (the media) but with other teams and the fans and your ownership. You lose your credibility, you're done in this business,' Krivsky said."

Bowden is now hated by G.M.s around the league. He's going to be the talk of the Yahoo message board.

Dan

Asian Invasion Hits Coors Field

I was glancing at the listed starters for the Milwaukee-Colorado game this evening, as I am wont to do, and I noticed that the starting pitchers tonight are Tomo Ohka vs. Byung-Hyun Kim. Now, I won't (not wont) be "that guy" who goes and makes a tasteless remark about the nationalities of these two pitching legends. What I will point out is that Coors Field should expect a record attendance of 56 billion people. In between innings, there's sure to be a contest where you have to guess between 55.8, 55.9 and 56.0. Yatta! will reportedly be singing the National Anthem and throwing out the ceremonial first twigs and berries.

Dan

Yankees Drawn in Times Square

I may be the only one who picked up on this, but it appears that the ESPN photos of Bobby Abreu and Gary Sheffield are cheap artistic representations of the real men. I'm really not sure which one of these men looks more like a cartoon character. Abreu, on the one hand, looks like a balloon with giant ears. It appears that the cartoonist accidentally drew a balloon (obviously thinking he was supposed to draw a balloon that was sitting in the chair alongside him) and, not wanting to waste paper, tried to transform it into a person's head. It's like trying to change a zero into a 7: it gets messy and it's obviously still a zero trying to resemble a 7.

On the other hand, there's Sheff who's not a caricature as much as the head on a bobblehead doll in his honor. It's the equivalent to putting Lil' Penny on the ESPN site instead of Anfernee Hardaway himself. Anyway, the Sheff here is too pale and dazed to be from a real photo.

Today we discover that flash photography is banned in Yankee Stadium along with facial hair. Now playing at a club near you: Bobby and the Bobbyheads.

Dan