Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Urbina Still a Coveted Free Agent Closer

Katzper forwards us a link to the list of top 12 available relievers. Take a look at Ugueth Urbina's potential suitors. What's so great about this is that his legal woes have definitely lowered his value, meaning that he would have been ranked higher had he not gotten into trouble.

Don't forget what his lawyer said recently.

"This, of course, can in some way hurt his career as a professional ballplayer, and all will depend on the way in which he is brought before justice," defense lawyer Jose Luis Tamayo said.

I think it's fair to say that it has already begun to hurt his career. "Just don't murder anyone, and we'll get paid," he probably told him. So much for that, Tamayo.


Dre Bly is Now a Jackass AND a Weasel

If you're going to come out and identify a player or players that are responsible for your team's constant losses, at least have the cohonas to stand by your words. Dre Bly, instead, backs down to management, forced to parade himself in front of him team and to say he's sorry for the comments he made recently directed at starting Quarterback Joey Harrington.

Dre, baby, get ahold of yourself. So you were quoted on the record. So what? Your interim coach is mad at you for singling out Joey, who's now crying in his locker and realizes that everyone must feel the same way. And you still beleive it, as you should. Because it's true. Harrington has given your team nothing. But, my God, Dre, stick to your convictions.

I hope the Lions dump Bly now, not because of his comments, but for admitting he did something wrong here. Dre, take it from me. Never, ever apologize. Always rationalize it as being not so bad and hold to that story until it passes over. Believe me, it always does.

It's okay to be a jackass. People will learn to deal with a jackass. But being a jackass and a weasel...that's just too many species mixed together to somehow find inner harmony.


NBA Free Agents Could Form a Squad

Starting five for the San Diego Free Agents could be Latrell Sprewell, Rodney White, George Lynch, Glenn Robinson, and Elden Campbell with basket-breaking Darvin Ham as the 6th man. I am sure guys like John Crotty and Bill Wennington would love to come off the bench for this team too. Nobody will sign these guys, but I believe they have more talent than the current roster of New Orleans, Charlotte Bobcats, and Atlanta.

Of course, I may still think it's 1999 and, in that case, New Orleans' team is in Charlotte, where Dawn Staley beats Muggsy Bogues for best point guard in the city.


Konerko Rejects Oriole Money

So Paul Konerko turns down a 5 year contract worth $65 million with the Baltimore Orioles. This may actually be good news for the Orioles, as they have had some bad experience with a contract of that sort. That's the same contract Albert Belle received to come to Baltimore, and, well, we know how that turned out. If you want to find one reason the team has been the perennial 3rd place team in the AL East it's because of Belle. Getting him off the books was the best play the team made in years.

So bringing Konerko to town--on the heels of chasing Sammy Sosa out of it--may have seemed like a good idea, on paper, but you must remember that paper doesn't have to play every day and contribute 40 home runs and 130 rbi's to the offense. I just feel bad for Miguel Tejada who thought he was getting a star in Javy Lopez who, of course, got injured and basically flopped.

Paul, your instincts are right. Stay far, far away from this franchise.


Monday, November 28, 2005

Mobile Strip Club Found Operating in Stadium Parking Lot

10 people were arrested on Sunday outside Raymond James Stadium, accused of "operating a mobile strip club in the parking lot during the Bucs vs. Bears game."

You just can't make this stuff up. It's like straight out of a movie about teenagers who play a sport like its their living, and wind up involved in these type of back stories (think Summer Catch meets Varsity Blues).

The best part about this is that they were caught because they were too professional about the whole operation, promoting it with flyers and employing bouncers and dancers inside the motor home. Truly amazing that they got away with this for three weeks.

Maybe this is why Buckman likes parking lots so much...


Mets land Wagner

4 years 43 million
Progression of the last 15 minutes:
1. harold informs me that eddie c said on the fan that wagner is coming to ny, possibly to finalzie the deal
2. i do a google news search for wagner
3. find the fox sports piece
4. send it to binny
5. he ims it to malusis, the producer for mike and the mad dog 6. mike and the mad dog announce it on the air
This is being blogged to get it on the record that finefellows had this story before espn. Come here for all your breaking sports news.

$200,000 Well Spent By Matt Millen

You may recall how, in July 2003, Detroit Lions president Matt Millen was fined $200,000 for failing to interview minority candidates when hiring a new head coach.

"While certain of the difficulties that you encountered in seeking to schedule interviews with minority candidates were beyond your control, you did not take sufficient steps to satisfy the commitment that you had made."--Commissioner Tagliabue.

It sent the message that this "conduct detrimental" to the NFL would not be tolerated. It was clear then that the Lions really wanted to go after Steve Mariucci, who was fired this afternoon. So the question now is what direction the team will go in.

John Romano, of the St. Petersburg Times, wondered what everyone did then:

"Millen attempted to comply with the rules but was penalized, essentially, for being too honest. He could have misled candidates by claiming to have no preconceived notions but was up front about his interest in Mariucci. He could have found an unqualified minority candidate to use as a charade interview, but he declined to make a mockery of this serious issue."

You have to wonder what happens this time around. Chances are, with this still fresh in Millen's head, he hires a minority for the position.


Philly Man Honors Mom By Running On Field

A guy was arrested yesterday for dumping his mother's ashes on the field during the Philadelphia-Green Bay game. Why is it that wherever Brett Favre goes, somebody runs on the field?

I remember being at Camden Yards days after Sammy Sosa was caught using a corked bat in the Summer of 2003. Sosa and the Cubs were in town and, in the middle of the game, a fan ran onto the field and threw what appeared to be cork at Sosa who was just standing in right field at the time.

I wonder if these fans are at home, eyeing the next homestand or game and thinking "do I really want to do it against that opponent? When will I get the most exposure that it'll be worth the arrest on my record?"


A Man Divided: Ron Artest

Ron Artest had the words "Tru Warier" shaved into the back of his head. It's not a misprint or a typo, but rather Artest has become a walking advertisement for his business, Tru Warier. On his website, in fact, you must choose which Artest persona you are coming to visit: The Defender, aka baller, or The True Warier, aka struggling businessman. So it seems that the Tru Warier rented out space on the back of the head of the Defender, hoping to advertise his other business on the basketball court.

I wonder if this will become the newest trend in the NBA, using other parts of the players than just the Reebok sneakers to sell merchandise. However, since Artest's jersey didn't even make the top 25 in sellers last year (Andrei Kirilenko and Pao Gasol both did), there really isn't reason to believe the Defender can bring in much business in any capacity.

Through representing himself, Mr. Artest is stuck with a fool for a client.


Sunday, November 27, 2005

NFC East Crybabies

In response to the posts by both the boat and the manny...
Neither of you have the right to allege to be tortured football fans because you root for 2 of the most successful franchises in the league. Each of your teams has appeared in 3 Super Bowls in your lifetime, each winning 2 of them. Only the Patriots, Broncos, 49ers, and Bills have appeared in more during that span (4 for SF and Buf and 5 for Denver and and NE.)
The following teams have appeared in 0 Super Bowls in our lifetime: Browns, Jets, Colts, Jaguars, Texans, Chiefs, Vikings, Lions, Saints, Seahawks, Cardinals.
You have been coached by 2 of the greatest coaches in the history of the sport (Parcells and Gibbs) at the the pinnacles of their careers.
To the boat...shockey didn't catch the ball, plain and simple. The Giants play by play by guys on the radio, who were openly rooting for the giants at several points during the game, said straight out that it was the right call. The "strange" losses you spoke of all came in years in which the giants were not a great team and probably weren't going anywhere anyways. To compare those losses to the ones the jets (up 10-0 in the 2nd half against the best team in the league, knowing that an inferior falcons team is awaiting them in the super bowl only to turn the ball over 6 times [including fumbles by Martin, Byars, and Megget- guys who "never" fumble] in the 2nd half) and Vikings (15-1, best offensive team in history, kicker who hasn't missed a FG all year misses a chip shot to keep the falcons alive and you lose in overtime) suffered in '98 is a joke.
To the manny..."The constant switch of emotions that goes along with being a Redskins fan is unparalleled by any other franchise." Shut the hell up.
Both of you.

Just Stick A Beard On Him

Under repair

Giant Flop

Like Danny, I decided to write this as soon as the Giant game ended, so as to fully portray my anger and frustration towards this team (read: Jay Feely). Watching this game all I could think about was, "I'm so happy thie Giants have Feely this year because last year, we would have been disappointed but Feely will make THIS one." Alas, Jay Feely can not kick field goals apparently. Then I thought maybe if they move him back, he'll get it like that fan who missed from 35 and 40 and then kicked a 50 yarder for a million bucks. I figured if a fan can do it, Feely should be able to as well. Alas, Jay Feely can not kick field goals.

A few things bothered me about this game. First, what the hell was the reversed call on the Shockey catch which led to them having to kick the 53 yarder. He took like 4 steps and switched hands but yet he never caught the ball. How could that be??? I dont understand it. This could be one of those things where because it is my team I feel like I have been wronged, but I don't care. What a G-d awful call. And I dont want to hear from Danny about the Redskins collapsing every year, or from Alex about the Vikings and Minnesota and how they are cursed, or from Av and Harold about how either of them could very well be the Jets starting quarterback next week. How about this, all our teams suck. Some of them like to tease us a bit, like the Mets and like the Jets, which is why I never quite understood how I ended up being a Giants and Met fan, it just doesnt seem to go. Whatever the case, I've discussed this many times with Av how everyone thinks only their team does it. All teams do it.

Yet, how many teams this year have missed 3, count them, 1, 2, 3 - 2 of which are very makeable (thats definitely spelled wrong) in the 4th quarter and overtime and end up losing the game. How many teams give up 3 TDs none on defense and lose the game. This is the kind of thing we deal with as Giant fans. It's not constant disappointment. I'll be the first to admit that. Its that they lose in the strangest of ways. From the Chris Calloway fumble in the payoffs against the Vikings to the Strahan pointing at the scoreboard game against the niners, a game I'm still unsure how they lost, to today's debacle. So while the Jets might get close and lose like last year's steelers game, which now that I think about it maybe Jay Feely should speak to Doug Brien for some words of wisdom about how to handle the next week, the just lose in normal ways. (This is open for discussion, Av and Hal, I'm expecting a response) This is on par with that Columbian soccer player who kicked the ball into his own nt in the World cup some time ago and got shot. Jay Feely, watch out. Your life is in danger.

I'm so angry. Thats all for now. This may have been it. Their ship may have just sailed.

- U-Boat

The Inevitable Annual Demise of a Franchise

It's only been about 15 minutes since the game ended, and I want to compose this while the feeling is fresh in my mind alongside the image of Tomlinson bursting through the Redskins depleted and defenseless defensive line.

Every season, the team finds a new way to break your heart. You have to really experience an August in Washington D.C. when the news officially stops, as everyone important goes on vacation, and the hype begins. Before every season, Skins fans are known to overhype, overpromote, and to overpromise on their team's abilities and talent. The expectations get raised as the season starts, and the team begins its classic climb toward mediocrity.

Ordinarily, it sets in from the onset, or close to it. But this year, this year was different. Three wins under their belt against worthy foes--Chicago, Dallas, and Seattle--and suddenly there appeared to be a team that matched the preseason promoting. even the skeptics among us somehow bought into the notion that over time the Redskins had turned things around and, flash, this may the season that they finally return to the playoffs.

But now they stand at 5-6, the season deflated like a giant M & M float colliding with a lamp post. I can't adequately describe the feeling of this city right now, having to endure three months like the Redskins just fed us. The team plays just well enough in the first three quarters of the game to take a lead, and just poorly enough to give it all away in one fell swoop.

Of course, you must credit the opposition for continually ripping apart the Redskins defense at its seams when the game is on the line. Opposing fans warrant the celebration that goes along with your team successfully executing a 4th quarter comeback, or daring to go for two against all odds, or punching through a hole for a touchdown run that attacks the jugular.

And, sure, every team has these memories, both good and bad. You win some, you lose some. But nothing quite like this. The constant switch of emotions that goes along with being a Redskins fan is unparalleled by any other franchise. All you have to do is look at the game today against San Diego.

A 17-7 late game lead. A 17-10 lead with 8.5 to go holding onto the ball. With 3.5 to go starting a drive that could break a 17-17 tie. Intercepting the ball at the Chargers' 30 with 2 minutes remaining, setting up what should be a Redskins victory. The announcers, at that point, even acknowledged that the Chargers were letting up in the secondary, essentially daring Washington to go for the score and leave enough time on the clock for their own offense to tie the game. The Skins were poised, in control, and had the Chargers up against a wall. A missed field goal later, we head to overtime.

It's the type of scenario that you always see the other team with, but rarely your own. Take the Seattle game when the Redskins tried to give away the game, eventually winning thanks to overtime and a late 4th quarter field goal miss. At the 30 you have to think the Redskins have this game locked up, merely worrying about subplots like clock management, eyeing the prize and a 6-5 record that would keep them in the playoff hunt.

It all fell apart somehow. It's what you come to expect. Roster and management changes don;t affect the bad karma that plagues this team year in and out. Only this year, the team fooled with your emotions more than usual. The NFL season mattered all the way until the 12th week of the season, when it suddenly all was rendered meaningless. All you can do right now is try to shake it off and move on with your life, reminding yourself it's just a game and you've lost nothing tangible, just the emotional attachment you have with your favorite football franchise.

When your team stalls on you, you have to respond by hoping that the entire league folds. It simply does not matter anymore. No more Sundays in front of the television. It's the time of the year when I have a lot of questions, repeatedly reminding myself that I know better than emotionally committing myself to this team, or this league. But when your team is 3-0 and winning, or 5-5 and playing a game with playoff implications, every game around the league matters. When you don't fulfill your end of the bargain though, and you drop to 5-6, who cares what the Viking, or the Giants, or the Panthers do, because your team, quite frankly, has fallen off the map.

So here I am, removed from the shackles that constrained me the past three months, with vivid memories of blowing three consecutive 4th quarter leads. I will haphazardly follow the NFL from here on out, paying attention only enough that won't result in me wondering what would have been had the team executed that one 3rd down conversion at Tampa or made its field goal attempt with 40 seconds left vs. San Diego.

Until August,


Kornheiser Needs Yiddish Lessons

From the Washington Post Free For All section yesterday:

Kvetching Over Kornheiser

"Tony Kornheiser [Sports, Nov. 17] is right about Washington Capitals rookie Alex Ovechkin- he's great and underappreciated. But Kornheiser's Yiddish is a little off. The few Caps fans who remain love Ovechkin, so we're kvelling over him, not kvetching!"--Joshua Sunshine Washington


Saturday, November 26, 2005

Mets using Mas to recruit Wagner

"In advance of Wagner's trip, the Mets shipped him a DVD with celebrities -- singer Tim McGraw, sportscaster Bob Costas, actor Kevin James and comedian Jerry Seinfeld -- touting New York City." Is this what they think will get him to come? Do they envision Wagner is thinking "well I'm not sure about coming to the Mets, but that fat guy whos lives with stacey corosi and frank costanza likes new york so it must be great"??

Tiger Woods Shouldn't Quit His Day Job

So Fred Funk wore a skirt for a hole after losing a bet with Annika Sorenstam. That's the story that everyone is running.

However, the sub-story here is the giant nerd that Tiger Woods is.

"I know he had the skirt on, but I don't know if he had a thong on underneath there," Woods said. "It certainly was good."

Har har har. This is a classic example of someone trying to get in on the humor action by making a joke at a time of high comedy, trying to capitalize on everyone's salivating sense of humor. Woods, clearly, is the guy who takes the joke a step too far, failing to realize that it's over by the time he tries to get his shot in. Everyone surely stared at him with gawkish stares as he delivered this line, wondering what happened to that ever-so-brief recent period of time where something that was funny was happening. Woods, in dramatic fashion, put a quick end to the fun.

This is on top of his awkward high-five earlier this year.


Friday, November 25, 2005

Governor Lies About Being Drafted by Athletics

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson acknowledged that he was not really drafted by the Kansas City Athletics in 1966.

"After being notified of the situation and after researching the matter . . . I came to the conclusion that I was not drafted by the A's," he said.

Still, he stands by his story, claiming that he never lied, but always believed it to be true.



Thursday, November 24, 2005

Seminary Girls Lead Israel on Wild Pigeon Chase

This may be the best story of the year.

Midreshet Mivaseret Yerushalayim (MMY) took part recently in a tour with the infamous Israeli group Do it on a Donkey. As the story was told to me, their tour guide sent the girls home with a carrier pigeon, requesting they put a letter inside the bird's mouth and send it home. Two girls volunteered to take care of the pigeon overnight. "All the other girls thought the pigeon was disgusting and didn't want to take care of it, but we wanted to," said one of the girls. As one would expect, the girls actually named the bird after the Hebrew word for cake, Uga.

That's where the story begins.

"Ma'ariv had published a story from the Lebanese press about a carrier pigeon sent to Lebanon by an Israeli girl thanking her Lebanese boyfriend for the wonderful night they shared.
At first, Lebanese police thought the note was an intelligence code and tried to decipher it. They then concluded that it was a love letter from an Arab Israeli girl from Kfar Kasim to her Lebanese lover.

Though it is not clear why, the misunderstanding was exacerbated by the belief, on the part of the Lebanese man who found Uga on his roof, that the pigeon was carrying bird flu, leading to further reports in the Lebanese press of a bird flu scare across southern Lebanon."

Simply amazing.


Blogging For Redemption

Oh, the power of the internet. This article details the use of the internet by Orthodox Jews, labeling Rabbi Kenny Brander of Yeshiva University as "liberal."

The story, while interesting itself, provides an amazing picture and caption. Take a look at the bottom picture. The caption reads "Pedro Estrada teaching computer applications, for career guidance, at Touro College in Brooklyn. Labs are supervised to avoid private surfing."

Supervised, eh? I could swear the site that the student in the back with the skullcap is surfing on CBS Sportsline, looking at an update for an NFL game. You can compare here.

How scandalous. It appears that students are using the internet for provate surfing under the unwatchful eye of Touro administrators. I hope this student is not identified and thrown out of housing because of my discovery.


Wednesday, November 23, 2005

New York Giants Finally Have a Prayer

Several Muslim fans were detained by Giants' Stadium officers for acting suspiciuously when huddled around a vent on a wall. This was the story of several months ago. It's been revealed since that these men were engaged in prayer at the time. As a result, the stadium will provide a special area for prayer. Continental Airlines Arena is doing the same. Anyone who wants to pray is requested to ask an Event Staffer to direct him or her to the designated zones.

Here's my question. The article details the extent of the efforts that Giants Stadium personnel have made to cater to these devout Muslims. But what about the Jews? What if a group of ten Orthodox men decide, at halftime, to make a minyan. Are they required to convene inside this prayer area? If Muslims are then occupying it, will there be a turf war? Will they square off for rightful possession of the sector, leading to larger tussles over genuine belief? I could see this spilling over into the parking lot. Of course, it may just be a ploy to help promote tomorrow's Indo-Jew Bowl VI.

Does anyone foresee other complications?


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Marlins Annual Fire Sale Begins

"We deserve to lose more than Josh Beckett. We deserve to lose this baseball team. We are, bar none, the worst major-league city in North America. We are the only area anywhere on this continent that could draw 800,000 fans below league average for a 2004 defending champion that was playoff-relevant until the season's last month."

That's Miami Herald columnist Den Lebatard's opinion of his hometown Florida Marlins and their fans. It seems like baseball tradition that the Marlins spend the regular season buidling up young stars in order to move them in the off-season. They act like a minor league squad whose playing in the big leagues only to promote their talent for the rest of the league to grab hold of the players they can no longer afford.

Here's a story from July, 2002 about that year's fire sale.

Here's a story from 2001 talking about pitchers the Marlins had accumulated then from previous fire sales.

And how can we forget the 1997 Marlins roster that won the World Series only to be dismantled.

More talent has flown through Florida in the past 10 years than any other city. If only their fans would realize it.


Columbia Students Strip Down

Columbia University is having an underground party that requires all attendees to go naked. But some students are voicing opposition to it, not because of its distasteful nature, but simply put, Columbia students are mostly ugly.

"Columbia students are generally not into the exhibitionist realm," said Zachary Bendiner, a senior who edits a campus periodical, the Blue and White. "Rightfully so, because by and large they aren't terribly attractive."

This would be funny enough, if not for a later quote from a past attendee, Richard Lipkin. He said that about 80 to 100 naked people - including a fair number of law and business school students - were concentrated in one apartment. Clothes were dumped near the entrance. Women slightly outnumbered men, and people were generally - if not exclusively - good looking, the type who are often more willing to flout culture's restrictions on nudity.

What is so great about this is that the writer must have gone with Bendiner's assessment that Columbia students are for the most part "terribly unattractive." So he had to have asked Lipkin about it, sparking Lipkin's comment about the looks of those he remembers in attendance.

Of course, perhaps you can judge from these comments that the graduate students at Columbia are just better looking than the undergrads, which could be so. However, it's been my experience that the graduate students there are no supermodels themselves. Lipkin probably just wanted to be invited back.


USC Professor Wallops Some Tushy

Deadspin tells a great story of a college football player who lied about an illness and then got caught. His lie, and his only pass of the season.


Monday, November 21, 2005

Monday Morning Quarterback's Vast Appeal

Borrowed from Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback column:

Terrell Owens has two homes, in Atlanta and Moorestown, N.J., on the market, at a combined listing price of more than $9 million.
The Atlanta home has a beach in the backyard. To the best of my knowledge, there is no ocean there, but there is a beach.
The New Jersey home has two dishwashers. Which led HBO's Jason Cohen to wonder: "Maybe he's trying to keep kosher.''


Race Car Driver Pulled Over For Speeding

Italin Formula 1 racer Giancarlo Fisichella was pulled over on Sunday for doing 92 in a 35 as he rushed home to check on his son's fever. Now his license has been revoked, which I assume means he can't race anymore. When your career depends on driving really, really fast, it tends to require that you have a license. Maybe Fisichella will get a book deal out of this, and title it "My Life in the Fast Lane: One Man's Choice between Fatherhood and the Sport that He Loved."

But I love what I foresee the ramifications of this episode to be. As I documented last month, beer companies were outraged to find out that beer was being used for alcohol-related games. Maybe the response here will be that people start to notice that race car drivers are driving at incredibly fast speeds, much higher than the speed limit in the areas of the racetracks. Just picture it. In the middle of a race, a police cruiser hops onto the track, tailing Dale Jarrett with sirens blaring, looking to pull him over for going four times the posted limit. This seems like a great topic for 3 Fast 3 Furious. I'm just saying.


Sunday, November 20, 2005

Vikings Unveil Player Conduct Code

The Minnesota Vikings maintain that "work began on the guidelines the day after Zygi Wilf's purchase of the team closed in June." I guess the 77-page manifesto ("It's a mission statement") has nothing to do with the recent exposure the players' received from the Viking sex boat fiasco.

Pretty much I just wanted to share that picture. The article is interesting too.


ESPN Highlights Players' Differences

With the European expansion inside the NBA, one can only hope that the league does everything it can to accomodate the players and never to highlight their differences. Whatever strides can be made--translators, psychologists, bringing aboard teammates of the same or similar nationality, buying ethnic foods--to help the players feel at home will help them, and the league, for years to come.

However, I was appalled to find the following caption inside a recent NBA game recap:

"Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki (41), of Germany, goes up for a shot over Detroit Pistons forward Rasheed Wallace (36) during the second half Saturday..."

I think that if the site wants to institute the policy to always name the players' country of origin, then it should be a unilateral decision. Therefore, the caption should be revised to read "Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzi (41), of Germeny, goes up for a shot over Detroit Pistons forward Rasheed Wallace (36), of Philadelphia, during the second half Saturday..."

Oh, and also AP Photographer Matt Slocum, of Dallas.


Friday, November 18, 2005

Walter Mondale Meets his Match

Firstly, I'd like to congratulate us on reaching the 100 post mark. That's all I have to say on that.

On to real stuff, I think it has been mentioned before, but the new aspect of ESPN polls which show how each state breaks down is great. But today's poll was especially enjoyable. The question posed was "Who would the Steelers be better off starting at QB against the Ravens." The choices were Tommy Maddox, the only ever XFL MVP and a QB, and Antwaan Randle-El, who, although he played QB in college at Indiana, has always been a wideout in the pros. The final outcome: Maddox 35% (only carried Montana and its three electoral votes. Which begs the question: Why do the people of Montana like Tommy Maddox?) Randle-El 65%. Now, I wasn't all that surprised that Randle-El won, I mean Tommy Maddox was the MVP of the XFL. What surprised me was the margin of Randle-El's victory. He raped Maddox. Can this year really get any worse for Tommy Maddox? First, the one game he did start, he blew for the Steelers. Then, because of that horrible performance, his family was verbally abused. Now, he loses an election for QB to someone who doesn't even play the position. Ouch.

Update: Not only has Maddox has lost a percentage point in the popular vote, he has lost the one state he had previously carried, Montana.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Sports Illustrated Rankings Favor Half States vs. Whole States

I was surprised to find today, upon flipping through the pages of Sports Illustrated's college basketball preview, that potential March sleeper, University of Northern Iowa, is listed as the 17th best team in the country. My initial shock was only magnified by the turn of the page that revealed the 18th best team is Iowa. In true TMQ style, I have to wonder how a small school like UNI, home to approximately 14,000 students, can put together a better squad than Big Ten powerhouse, Iowa. More than 28,000 students enroll at Iowa each year, twice the size of UNI, but more notably some 64 percent come from the great state of Iowa. That means that University of Iowa has more students from Iowa than UNI has total students! And somehow they are ranked below them.

Which bring me to the ultimate question: How can half a state be better at anything than an entire state? Maybe Iowa would have a better chance at athletic prominence if it didn't waste its time operating "one of the nation's most advanced and comprehensive university-owned teaching hospitals. It also has developed the most technically advanced driving simulator in the world." Whatever that means...

Oh, and how can Duke be ranked #1 if we all know that Duke Sucks.


I'll Be Doing The Digressing Around Here

In his latest post, A fine Fellow so accurately notes "Obviously people realize that other people are going to look at them on facebook. So they will naturally choose a very good picture of themselves. If a girl is ugly in her facebook picture, is there any chance at all of her being good looking?"

This is a point I have been stressing since Facebook began, something I am sure Mark Zuckerberg had in mind when he allowed people to post pictures at all. On a side note of my own, you have to wonder what sort of fame Zuckerberg took on in the last few years, as he is now a household name--like Clorox. Is he officially at Rock-star-who-hasn't-quite-made-it-yet status? He has to know that his stock can only plummet here, so I assume, unless he wins the Nobel Prize later on in his life, or discovers a cure for cancer, his life has officially jumped the shark. But I digress.

So on this topic (ugly facebook pictures, not Zuckerberg's stock plummeting), I have something else to add. When you write a book, as many people do, you get the chance to select a photo of yourself to paste somewhere in the binding. I think this decision is way tougher than the one for Facebook because, well, it's permanent. On top of that, if your book becomes a hit, as you surely want it to be, millions of people will likely read it, or buy it, or even just look at it. Getting to my eventual point here, I doubt that this is the right way to go. Perhaps Myla Goldberg was having some fun, punning her tights with the title of her book. But that outfit is just a WTF? waiting to happen.


Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Facebook Emergency

I was sitting at a computer in the YU library tonight, and I felt I needed to walk around for a minute or two. I did so, but when I came back, someone was sitting at the very computer I was using. I couldn't believe that he would log me off and log in within two minutes, especially when my bag and cellphone were right by the computer. In fact, it turned out that he had in fact not logged me off. He was just using my profile. The computer stealer than turned around and said to me "were you using this computer?" to which I responded "yes." He then proceeded to tell me he would be a few minutes, but he needed to use this computer because he had an "emergency." However, as I glanced over his shoulder I noticed his emergency involved looking something up on the facebook. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for the facebook. In fact I ve used it for important reasons on numerous occasions (i.e. I've looked at pictures of girls people want to set me up with. Which leads me to a side question-Obviously people realize that other people are going to look at them on facebook. So they will naturally choose a very good picture of themselves. If a girl is ugly in her facebook picture, is there any chance at all of her being good looking? But I digress). But I cant think of a situation where looking at the facebook or getting info from the facebook would constitute an emergency. The only explanation I have for this person's actions is that he was an out of towner.

TMQ Reader Animadversion: Post-Week 10 Features Enormous Sleeper

"Tuesday Morning Quarterback lauded Dick Vermeil for going for the win from the Oakland 1-yard line with one second remaining in the game, rather than kicking a field goal to force overtime. Yechiel Robinson of New York City reminded that the last time Vermeil faced this choice, he kicked. The Chiefs scored a touchdown to make it 38-37 with one second remaining against New England in 2002; Vermeil took the PAT and overtime, where he lost. But this isn't exactly the same situation. Against Oakland, Kansas City needed only one yard to win on the final play; if the Chiefs had gone for the deuce in 2002 on the last play, they would have needed two yards to win. Still, lining up for a regular PAT kick and then going for two off the fake should be devastating on the final play of regulation. "

No words.


Best Jews at Controlling the World

The results are in, as The Forward has released its list of the most influential American Jews. The list contained most of the usual politicians, ambassadors, leaders, and advocates that usually are on the list. However, new to the list this year is reggae star Matisyahu, of Jimmy Kimmel on the YU network fame. I'm not sure if this was a genuine selection or just a diversion to confuse the folks at JewWatch so that our real World Controllers could operate freely. Then again, there probably isn't much value in analyzing the opinions of a newspaper that still prints an edition in Yiddish.

Random Question

As an attempt to make this blog a bit more interactive I pose the following question to our readers:
Why is it that on the Saints are listed as "New Orleans" whereas the Hornets are listed as "NO/Oklahoma City"?
The person who comes up with what I deem the best answer recieves the old Couche-Tard standard prize of "Ten Harold Points," which are of course redeemable for time with yours truly.

Danny-7 Me-0

I'd like to congratulate Danny on being linked by Deadspin a bunch of times. In the spirit of competitiveness, it is my goal to equal the amount of links he gets, or even one up him by appearing in some other, more prestigious media outlet. I realize the fact that I basically referred to deadspin as "less prestigious" will not help me, but let's be honest, that's not my biggest disadvantage. No, my biggest disadvantage is that I don't have 14 hours a day to surf on the internet and look at every single random blog in the world. But nonetheless, I shall overcome. (hey, it's in my genes).
Also here's a link. Hey, if Av can link to random stuff, I can link to a doody head.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Eric Williams Promotes a League That Experts Say Never Existed

NBA player Eric Williams is sporting a new line of merchandise paying tribute to a defunct basketball league of the early 20th century. "We have to understand where we came from," [Williams] said.

Basketball historian Susan Rayl, however, argues "there's never been a black African-American or Negro Basketball League." She summarized her position with the statement, "They never existed."

"The clothes are what's nice," he says. "But we'll do the research. But at the same time it's fun for me, it's a clothing line for me."

"There was a player named Willis, but this sounds like a total concoction to me," said Rayl. "It's really sad. Really sad."

Just a fascinating story. Look, Williams is getting attention now, which si really what he wants. But to make up a league and pawn it off as something that people just aren't familiar with? That's ludicrous and brilliant all wrapped up onto one windbreaker.


Circle the Date: Indo Jew Bowl VI set for Thanksgiving Day

It's perfectly normal for a group of Jews and Indians to get together every year for a football game on Thanksgiving. All trash talk is in jest, and the two sides get along splendidly. What's not as normal is the fact that the Chicago Sun-Times has decided to cover it. I'm sure the Times couldn't care less who wins this year's game, merely promoting it as a friendly United Nations summit in the snow. Still, you can read the story here.

This is one of those times, however, where the participants' self-deprecating nature trumps the comedy portrayed in the news story. On the official website, which you can find here, magnifies the importance of the game, the tradition, and the rivalry.

The fact is, these types of annual events take place elsewhere, although with far less press attached. For instance, I doubt the Baltimore Sun will pick up the local story about the Tour De Court, an annual basketball tournament in Baltimore that was covered by a freelancer for the Baltimore Jewish Times.

There must be something in the water in Chicago.


Rafi Halpert Rule In Effect

Some sports fans will recall little-known (yet often used) Yeshiva University starting forward, Rafi Halpert. He played four years for the Maccabees under the tutelage of his father, Coach Johnny Halpert. Mac fans came to understand that only in the tightest of games, when the team called upon Halpert to contribute--albeit minimally--he would occasionally make a costly turnover or miss an important shot. Undoubtably he would always follow these tragic errors with some sort of phantom injury.

Halpert would hobble off to the sideline, clutching a random body part, and hoping to elicit some sort of sympathy from the raucous crowd. But time and time again, the crowd, led by that guy in the front row in the Boston cap, would nonetheless boo him, letting him know his acting was something short of Oscar-worthy.

And with that, so was born the now infamous Rafi Halpert rule of sports. If Player A is in Situation A and is called upon to lead Team A to victory, in the aftermath of it he will either be heralded as a champion amongst men, or will delegate himself to the end of the bench to converse with the heavyset trainer. Remarkably, however, professional players will sometimes, left with no other option, turn to this rule for some semblance of comfort in their brief periods of agony.

Flash forward to Monday night when Donovan F. McNabb threw a disastrous interception vs. Dallas. It cost them the game, and the crowd was none too pleased. But wait! Coupled with the already devastating eventual outcome--a loss to a division foe--is the realization that you may have also lost your Pro Bowl starting quarterback to injury. Is it a coincidence that now, of all times, McNabb's nagging sports hernia opts to act up? We think not.

Watching Mike McMahon come in for the final desperate drive, we were left to wonder what McNabb was up to. Was he back in the locker room putting ice on the part of his body he opted to nurse? No. He was standing with his teammates on the sideline, all hoping for a miracle that would give them back the win McNabb temporarily surrendered. He had removed himself from taking part in the rest of the game, holding onto his gut and, more importantly to him, his dignity.

Kudos to you, Donovan. An honorary Rafi Halpert par excellance.


Monday, November 14, 2005


On the ESPN Nation poll, Ortiz carried 47 of 50 states over Arod in the MVP voting, a Reaganesque victory. The only states to support Arod were NY, NJ (which both make sense) and Missouri (which makes none.) We can only assume that Missouri, home to Dick Gephardt, who has a gay daughter, has a large homosexual population. Only possible explanation. Either that or the people of Missouri were too busy shopping for thanksgiving flowers to pay attention to Papi's clutch hitting all season. Ka-ching.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

"Mamacita" Dead at 38

It is with great sadness and grief that I announce the passing of WWE champion Eddie Guerrero. I don't mean to make light of a terrible tragedy--R.I.P. Owen Hart--but the article reads more like it's part of the WWE storyline (fake) than as an obituary to the fallen star (real).

"Eddie was in Minneapolis to take part in the main event of the WWE’s Smackdown television show, where he was due to wrestle champion Batista and Randy Orton in a match for the world title.

With Batista recently suffering an injury, many expected Eddie to win the gold and add to an illustrious career that has made him one of the best wrestlers of his generation."

"After finding religion and staying clean, Eddie was enjoying a remarkable run as a headline star in the WWE – holding the world championship for four months after beating Brock Lesnar in February 2004."

This seems to me to be analogous to a eulogy being written about actor, Alan Thicke, where they commend the great fatherly achievements of his character, Jason Seaver on Growing Pains. I know that post-modernism is increasingly blurring the lines between fiction and non-fiction, but I believe it would be disrespectful for the WWE to have the funeral live in the ring on Monday Night Raw.


Minnesota Football Jews Move to the Right

Lining up on the right side of the Vikings offensive line today are Adam Goldberg and Mike Rosenthal. That just make me laugh.


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Clippers Woes

I know the Clippers have been desperate for many years to find a center to replace Pervis Ellison, but I think they have hit a new low this time around. Tonight against the Wizards they seem to have slotted Biff's grandfather from Back to the Future. The team appears to have determined they don't have much of a future of their own, and instead will bet on games and races that took place in 1955. With E.T. at the point, this team can perhaps challenge Teen Wolf for the title.


Mattisyahu in Rolling Stone

This will probably interest those of you who spend all day at work emailing clips of Mattisyahu from the Jimmy Kimmel show around, then nervously giggling inside your cubicles. For the record, you can catch Matty performing on Craig Ferguson this Monday night, November 14th.

But, alas, for now you're stuck with this story from Rolling Stone Magazine.

"There's a law that no man and woman may touch unless they're married," says the twenty-six-year-old MC. "I was caught doing it. So I checked, and, no, can't do that anymore -- there's women touching you for sure. That, and I also I got dropped once. I took, like, six people down."

Matisyahu, who sometimes extracts or reinterprets lines from the Torah in his songs, looked to his own troubled youth for the single's lyrics: "Fire with the flame of the youth/Got the freedom to choose/You better make the right move." Born Matthew Miller, he skipped school and smoked pot while growing up in a reformed household in White Plains, New York, before becoming frum (devout) and moving to the nearby Hasidic community of Crown Heights.

Great, now parents far and wide are going to interrogate their kids who want to attend Matty's concerts. "I heard he once did pot. I don't want you listening to his music. There might be drugs at his concert!"

This type of parenting is about as good as the music Matty sings, in my humble--stubborn--opinion.


Monday, November 07, 2005

The Star of Galgalatz

Apparently there is a developing heir to the MBD throne who is winning over the hearts of teenage girls across Israel. His name is Gad Elbaz. Of course, Rabbis have to express their ambivalence over having such a star in their midst, because, as we know, Rabbis don't like anything fun.

"They fear the Elvis-like effect he is having on the young female portion of the highly traditional community, known as Haredi, where song is considered nearly as powerful as prayer."

His music though is the strangest assortment of influences since Mattisyahu burst onto the reggae scene.

"While attending religious schools as a teenager, Elbaz began developing a style that draws on Arab rhythms, hip-hop beats, the harmonies of the Backstreet Boys and the ballads of Whitney Houston and Celine Dion."

Based on that description, I don't think I even want to hear Elbaz's songs. Catch the rest of the article here.


Thursday, November 03, 2005

God Doesn't Care About Black People

50 Cent Disagrees With Kanye's Stance On Bush

NEW YORK -- 50 Cent doesn't agree with fellow rapper Kanye West that "George Bush doesn't care about black people."
West made the statement on a telethon meant to help victims of the hurricane.
50 Cent told that he doesn't know where West got that opinion about the government's response to Hurricane Katrina.
"People responded to it the best way they can," said the rapper, whose real name is Curtis Jackson.
He added, "The New Orleans disaster was meant to happen. It was an act of God."

So you see, it's God who doesn't care about black people.


Random Stuff

I apologize for the long hiatus since my last post, but I have been a little busy lately, mostly trying to recover from the mental anguish I suffered from the classmate who was dressed as the grim reaper (Scream mask and sickle included), who kept jumping out of various elevators on Monday trying to scare people. Mission accomplished. I was walking around all day looking over my shoulder. Then when these 4 kids came to my door and asked for candy and I told them to get a job and buy their own candy, they threw eggs at me. Seems fair. Our religion is crazy, but this holiday makes no sense.
In other news, due to the upcoming prom, a student group has decided to open a table in the lobby for condom distribution. For those keeping track, the 3 tables in the lobby now are for LexisNexis, a bar preparation course, and condoms.
Went to an underground poker place last night. Unfortunately, even thought I played great I came home empty-handed because when I was looking in the other direction, Arod stole my chips, presumably to spend on a gigolo.
Finally, word out of Arizona State is that Coach Coitus will be starting Steve Bukkake this week at QB. If you don't get this, you must not be on my buddy list.

I Hate This Weather

So I've been getting up at 7 am this week for a reason that I don't want to receive credit for. All right, you twisted my arm. I've been attending a shiva minyan. Don't all clap at once.

When you get up that early, it's apparently freezing. The defroster in my car doesn't work fast enough to drive the couple blocks to the minyan so I have to either guess no cars are coming or to stick my head out the window to check. It's absolute torture, of the highest comedic form.

But the worst part about it is that by the time noon rolls around, you are the only person in the supermarket wearing a sweatshirt. You see, by the time normal people wake up, it's not nearly as cold and those people can dress appropriately to the weather they face. You may claim though that I can just simply remove my sweatshirt when the weather turns warmer in the morning. But you see, that would be a waste of an outfit. Well, not an entire outfit, but the sweatshirt at least. Because once it's worn, it returns to the end of the rotation, whether you wear it for one hour or all day long. So I figure, once it's been outed from the closet, I might as well fight through the day, inside the immense heat, in order to maximize its use.

On the note of clothes rotations, why do we all keep those ratty clothes for the end of the cycle? We all have them and hate wearing them. We dread laundry day like its Yom Kippur, hoping that it never comes back. My question then is why do we all keep these clothes? Why not just throw them out? Let's just have nice clothes on laundry day the same way we do at the start of the rotation.

Stores, I have noticed, actually sell some clothing for the sake of laundry day. Next to the more expensive shirts, they will sometimes include one cheaper, wrinkled version of the same shirt at a discount price. They try to entice you to figure "Well, I'll just stick it at the end of the rotation. It's just too cheap to pass up." It's like black jelly beans. They're in the bag, so you have to eat them, but you hold them off until the end. Or maybe I'm just crazy.

Overheated, as always,


These are the kinda cases I want when I become a lawyer

At the risk of becoming Danny-esque (i.e. three or more posts in a row), here's another breaking news story from the front page of


Before I start, I just want to apologize in advance for this not being a post about sports. Danny has informed me over this past week that other media outlets have picked us up and branded us as a "sports blog" so now I feel somewhat strange writing about things other than sports. However, if you think about it, November weeknights are quite the barren time for sports. Both hockey and basketball are in the early parts of their seasons, and since 97.3% of the teams make the playoffs in these sports, these games don't really make a lot of difference (unless you play fantasy basketball/hockey which I hate, and fantasy sports in general will have to warrant a post sometime soon). Furthermore, the Skankees have yet to steal players from every other team (don't worry Sodomites fans, that pesky 15 day waiting period ends like next week. So your team will start its poaching in no time) and therefore I can't rant about that yet. Therefore, I decided about something else that bothers me, almost as much as the Amalekites-People who wear black and white.I just never understood it. Did I miss a halacha in the Micshna Berurah? Where does it say you must wear dark pants? Why when I go into a yeshivish place am I scorned because I like khaki? I don't know the answers to theese question, but I just want to say on the record that people who were black and white basically have no good reason for doing so and are only doing it because if they don't they will God forbid not be seen as "yeshivish." I just think this is dumb and I'm seriously thinking about throwing paint on all the oreos in YU. At least it will brighten things up over here.

Al Qaeda Strikes Again

Good to see this summit is heavily protected.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Israeli Rabbis Issue List of Stupidity

"Israel's Interior Ministry has barred the names God, Hitler and Bin Laden from being registered in its population files, said Sabine Haddad, a spokeswoman for the Census Bureau."

Everything you need to know can be found here.


Punter Cashing in on New NFL Trend

"As far as I knew, no starting wide receiver in the NFL had No. 17," Burress explained. "I just wanted to be different and start a trend."
But first he had to purchase the number from punter Jeff Feagles. He asked for the cost of an outdoor kitchen in his vacation home in Phoenix, and in a deal brokered by agent Drew Rosenhaus, Burress complied. It was the second windfall for Feagles -- now No. 18. He gave quarterback Eli Manning his No. 10 a year ago in exchange for a family vacation in Florida.

The rest is here.


Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Various Things that Pissed Me Off Today

This is an all out rant. I am as mad as I sound in the upcoming sentences. Oh, and I refuse to correct typos by reviewing and editing this after I am finished. This is stream of consciousness. Onward...

The first thing that bothered me today is something that always bothers me. When I am trying to make my way through a crowd, I hate it when the person in front of me just stops for no reason. Sometimes he or she will engage in conversation with someone else, sometimes not. But that person can actually feel me on his or her heels yet does not pay attention and provides for a blockade between me and the door I am headed--albeit slowly--for. It's like if I was driving down the street with no traffic and the car in front of me just stopped, and the driver stepped out to do something unnecessary just to get in my way. I can't stand these people.

The other thing that got to me today was when I spotted an empty parking spot at the nearby 7-11, something rare to say the least. So I decided, because there was an empty space, to go in and get a slurpee. However, in the meantime, when I pulled into the parking lot, and as I neared the open space, a police cruiser pulled in, forcing me out. This wasn't a real police vehicle, but one of those Park Police guys who has the authority to ticket deer for crossing at the wrong intersection and not much else. I was furious, but there was nothing I could do about it. Any inclination I had to approach the weasel about his infraction was immediately curbed due to the fact that I am driving with expired registration for the time being. In my head, in those 4.5 seconds, I supposed convincing him to vacate, letting me in, and then spotting my 9/05 registration and giving me a fine and points on my record. Needless to say, I sped off without making an incident.

The last thing that bothered me today was Oprah's panel of men brought together to educate women about what men think. Aside from the fact that people like Rick Reilly of SI and Jay Leno of Jay Leno fame sold out by confessing our secrets to dozens, if not hundreds, of women on television. But sitting beside these two surefire manly men was the womanly man, Brian Mcknight. Mcknight is a male singer best known for singing songs for women to help men woo women. So, yes, he has testosterone, and it is geared toward the ultimate goal of courting estrogen, but he is hardly the first person you would consult on all issues related to the male species. I guess Elton John was booked.

If I think of more, I'll write it later.


Shout Out to Me in TMQ This Week

Sweet Player of the Week No. 3 As noted by Danny Groner of Silver Spring, Md., Tiki Barber ran for more yards on his first carry than the Redskins ran for in the entire game. Between his loyalty to the Giants, his pleasant public persona and his steady climb up the Giants' all-time rushing chart, Barber is now "The Toast of New York."

I must've sent him 15 different items this week, including that Cincinnati has intercepted each of their three NFC North opponents 5 times in a game this season. I even highlighted the December 18 game @ Detroit for that matter. Brian Spence of Chicago got credit for that one.

Instead, Easterbrook opted to run this dandy of a stat. The "Toast of New York" line, I should note, is his.

Top notch.