My Letter to the Ethicist

Take a look here. How ethical of me.

Dan

Wedding Crashing Story Comes Full Circle

The WSJ is developing a sense of humor, it seems.

Excerpt:

"This past April, a wedding invitation arrived from an unfamiliar address. "Dear Marc and Tara," an enclosed note said, "We crashed your wedding on our second date. We would be honored if you would attend ours. Sincerely yours, Todd and Liz."

Good stuff.

Dan

Mets Lead League In Commercials

Here's a reason to love the Mets: their mischievous mascot. Mr. Met should really be getting a lot more cash for his commercials because he's just fabulous. If only he and Peyton Manning would be brought together for one spot.

The fifth commercial here is a personal favorite of mine simply because the mascot's head is so freakin' large and they call complete attention to it. "Dude, I can see like 80 percent of your head" makes me laugh every time.

Next time you're at Shea Stadium play the game my friends and I made up. It involves spotting Mr. Met inside a large crowd of people. Sometimes it's trickier when he fraternizes with the crowd while seated in a box seat.

Dan

Teams: Please Stop Signing Players You Don't Need

There used to be a time in baseball when teams would assess their talent and then use the free agent/trade market to fill in their holes. For instance, if you had a bad catcher, you would see what catchers are available or on the trading block, and then doggedly pursue them. You wouldn't however see an available left fielder, sign him, and then tell him "by the way you're playing catcher."

But it appears that teams have headed off in that wacky direction this off-season. I watched as the Yankeees tried to sign every possible free agent and to maneuver someone from the infield to centerfield. Alas, they were forced in the end to sign a centerfielder to man that position.

The Dodgers signed Rafael Furcal and Nomar Garciaparra even though they didn't have spots for them. Somehow, they will make it work.

And the Nationals traded for Alfonso Soriano hoping he would switch to left field. Little did they know he doesn't want to and would prefer to play 2nd base or be traded. If they were so committed to letting Jose Vidro man that spot, why did they trade for Soriano in the first place?

But this really hit a new low recently. I watched as the Toronto Blue Jays started three third basemen last year: Corey Koskie at his position, Sean Hillenbrand at first base, and Eric Hinske at DH. They really made it work too even though they're all in my mind the same player. But with this less than ideal situation already, you wouldn't believe the team would go out and get 1b Lyle Overbay and 3b Troy Glaus this off-season now, would you?

And so they did. Now they will either have to find new positions for two of their four 3bmen--have to assume Overbay is starting at first now--or else they will sit. Tell you what, though. That may be the deepest position any team has, including the White Sox pitching staff.

Dan

Bounce

Congrats to Bounce and his gal on their engagement this weekend. Bounce promises to be one of the greatest new york lawyers in the history of the world. To see their only simchas page, click here. To read Bounce's baseball blog, click here. To see a picture of a dog wearing a tallis, click here.

Kong

Went to see King Kong tonight. Was a good movie but there was no reason it had to be 3 hours. They easily could have cut out an hour and the movie would have been just as good. That's the problem with movies now- I guess somehow it's not worth it to spend all that money on special effects if you're not gonna force people to stay in the theater for at least 2 1/2 hours. How that makes sense, I don't know. To be fair though, considering silver prices these days, it's really hard to blame them.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Work Tonight

You know what's funny? Monkeys with hats. They just seem to make me giggle every time I think about them. See, there I go again? But I digress...

Know what's not funny? Cancer. But second on that list is animal abuse. So take better care of your pets, you hear? Start off with these wonderful pet ID tags.

Dan

Yankees Eye More Jewelry

With their recent addition of Johnny Damn, the Yankees seem like the front runners to get to the World Series in 2006. I know we say it every year, but this year they seem extra committed to make that dream into a reality. How do I know? Because of the new bling they can take home and cherish. At reasonable prices, you have to think Damon will be buying A-Rod some diamond jewelry from this set.

Dan

She's a man baby!!!

I don't post often, or ever for that matter. But this story just freaks me out. Read more here.

My Letter In The Commentator

Take a look here. It's down below the Sy Syms guys trying to impress you by using large words and convoluted sentences.

An excerpt for those of you without a password:

"While my instinct presses me to denounce Buckman's article as mere rubbish, I have to admit that he reached me. It was a healthy and unexpected appeal for people, no matter who they are, to awaken, or even to conceive, their inner stoner."

Pow, Pow!

Dan

Isn't the Hall of Fame an Exclusive Club?

Look, I don't mean to come down hard on the current ex-leaguers who are vying for their spot in the Hall of Fame lineup. But with expansion, and the amazing growth of the game, there are simply too many deserving players retiring at a steady pace for certain less deserving guys to ever really have a shot. But that doesn't stop them from getting a vote here and there, possibly the result of someone's pity or practical joke.

Just look at some of the guys who are eligible this year:

Gary DiSarcina, Alex Fernandez, Gary Gaetti, Gregg Jeffries, Ozzie Guillen, Doug Jones, Hal Morris, Willie McGee, Walt Weiss, and John Wetteland. You can see how people feel about these guys and others here.

I think that the votes they try to sway away from the likes of Andre Dawson and Jim Rice--much more deserving players--may impact the overall results. Of course, when B.J. Surhoff becomes eligible in a decade or so I will start a campaign to try to get him in to the Hall. Perhaps someone somewhere is doing the same for each of these guys.

I'd pick Hal Morris out of that bunch, personally. But that's just me.

Dan

Do Not Read This Blog

Don't look at this blog anymore. It's probably the only way to stop Avo writing stupid posts that are geared to include advertisements. I have been a part of this blog from the beginning and it is very hard for me to say this but it is a necessary action. So until further notice, do not read this blog.

YU guys

Top 5 places for a YU guy to meet girls:
1. On the shuttle
2. One of those dorky shabbatons in midtown
3. Precious Metal Market
4. One of those dorky SOY events
5. A friend's lchaim

Almost halfway there

While most of the semester I've pretty much coasted by not doing too much work, these weeks of finals are really a killer. See my daily schedule that I posted a week ago for more on this. Anyways, by this time tomorrow I will be halfway done. Then it's only a few more days before I'll be back home playing Pacman, Streetfighter, NFL Blitz, and all the other arcade legends that made my childhood so great. Can't wait!!

Detroit Speaks out Against Disengagement

Seem the color orange is back at it again, this time protesting Matt Millen retaining his job despite underperforming as Detroit Lions' CEO.

"As a means of protest, The Lions Fanatics are asking fans to wear the color orange to the December 18, 2005 Detroit Lions’ home game. Wearing the color orange serves two purposes.

First, the color is highly distinct and will not be confused with the Detroit Lions’ team color in an effort to maximize visibility. Second, the color orange is one of the team colors of the Detroit Lions’ December 18th opponent, the Cincinnati Bengals. "

Since it worked so well the first time...

Dan

Snowstorm Averted

I was actually prepared for this snowstorm today, heading off to work in gloves, scarf and hat. I was actually looking forward to the storm, so I could slay the beast, so to speak. But when around noon it became clear that it was mostly rain, I couldn't help but think that I was being played for a fool. But as I always say, tis better to prepare for the worst and to be played the fool, than to be stuck with an accutane lawsuit.

Tonight, we celebrate!

Dan

ESPN Minute by Minute Fantasy Analysis

Note: The following is a parody of ESPN.com's fantasy basketball analysts. Do not confuse this for any one particular article; it's a synopsis of what appears on that site every day. Names have been held back out of fear of the columnists will come after me.

"I really like what I'm seeing from Earl Boykins tonight. Four assists in the first half. That's why I named him to my top ten underrated, undersized stars last week. He's just showing me something now, playing with that fire and passion."

"I've been hugely disappointed with Tim Duncan's play of late. He came up with big games in recent weeks and I expected 35 and 20 out of him here tonight. With just 12 points and 5 rebounds at halftime, he is way off pace. He drops down to third on my player of the week rankings."

"I think DeSagana Diop is a real force for the Mavericks this year, and should be credited with their hot start. He's pounding the boards and opening up lanes for his teammates. If you look up the word 'unselfish' in the dictionary, there will be a picture of Diop."

"The Bobcats' win tonight is a sign of them turning their season around. I wouldn't be surprised if they rode this win all the way to the playoffs. In fact, come March, we may be talking about Emeka Okafor for the M.V.P. If it works out, you heard it here first. If not, just disregard it and pretend I never said anything. Tomorrow I will make the same claims about another player of my choosing. It's part of a week-long series titled 'Big Stars inside little constellations.'"

It seriously has to end.

Dan

The Last Call with Death Row Inmate

***Disclaimer--"the lam girls will not voluntarily be the subject of your humor."***

I was not the least bit surprised when I read this evening about some extra-curricular conjugal activities performed by death row awaitee, Charles V. Thompson.

Actual CNN Headline: "Death row escapee enjoyed time on lam."

As a result of this disparaging news, Y.U. President Richard Joel has issued a Stern warning to keep the girls at bay. The culprit is now safe at home with her family.

Dan

The Crunk Awards for Top Media Errors and Corrections

Sometimes even newspapers make mistakes...

Dan

Bar Mitzvahs Go Beyond Limbo Sticks

"It's one of the things we're known for, hiring gorgeous staff," Pat James, Bar Mitzvah planner, says as he helps a bartender prepare martini glasses right before the start of festivities.

"This, by local standards, is a modest affair. Hundreds of New York bar mitzvahs cost $100,000 or more. Many top the quarter-million-dollar mark. If you're ready to spend that sort of money on a five-hour shindig for an eighth-grader, Pat James is the man to see."

Yes, I know people have been doing this for a long time, and it's not just New Yorkers who blow their money on these things. But I'm still wowed by it.

Dan

Rambam and Ramban Square Off

The Washington Post announces the weekend's upcoming area high school basketball games. Local people call in to inform them of teams and times, and they just print it in a small box at the bottom of the high school coverage. On Saturday they ran "Ramban at Hebrew Academy at 9:30."

It's actually Rambam (of Baltimore) they were referring to. How they confused a 13th century Catalan rabbi, philosopher, Kabbalist, and bibical commentator for a 12th century Catalan rabbi, philosopher, Kabbalist, and biblical commentator is somewhat comical indeed. Oh, and they also were both born in Spain and enjoy chewing on sunflower seeds. Go figure.

Dan

Gerald Pressman Has Amazing Fingers

'Redskins' Is Offensive. Period.

"Marc Fisher ["Block That Mascot? Bite Your Tongue," Metro, Nov. 17] quotes a Sports Illustrated survey indicating that a large percentage of Indians do not find these nicknames offensive.

But how was the survey conducted?

Indian Country Today, the leading American Indian magazine, asked its readers the same question, and the results were nearly the opposite.

Much of the pageantry is clearly offensive and a parody of religious ceremonies practiced by American Indians. Imagine someone from another religion, in Orthodox rabbinical attire, running on the field after a touchdown, throwing a Torah in the air, or a person dressed as a priest, tossing rosary beads into the crowd. It's nothing anyone would stand for or defend if it were another race or religion. The use of Indian mascots and names by non-Indian schools and sports teams is insulting, including those endorsed by a particular tribe.

-- Gerald Pressman, Falls Church.

The writer is director of FindAnotherName.com."

While Pressman is more than likely correct in his opinions, his argument is clearly flawed because, ahem, how is that the same???

I think, faced with the events that have come to light here, Pressman should change his site to FindAnotherArgument.com, hopefully one that makes a little bit of sense.

Dan

ESPN Editors have Questionable Sense of Humor

Current ESPN Headline reporting Kenny Rogers' signing:

"Report: Tigers make $16M gamble on Rogers"

Perhaps 4% of people will read that and say "How clever. Kenny Rogers was also a singer's name who is famous for singing a song titled 'The Gambler."

Snort.

Dan

Kyle Korver Enters the Hip Hop Scene

Here is the list of NBA players who have been fined $10,000 by the league for wearing their shorts too long (below 0.1 inch above the knee):

"To date, $10,000 fines have been handed out to New York's Nate Robinson and Stephon Marbury; Philadelphia's John Salmons, Kyle Korver, Allen Iverson and Kevin Ollie; Indiana's Jermaine O'Neal, Stephen Jackson and Jamaal Tinsley; Jeff McInnis of New Jersey; and Voshon Lenard, DerMarr Johnson and Andre Miller of Denver."

Korver? Seriously? Look at that list. What's this say about him?

Dan

Holiday Cheer

So sue me, I haven't written in a while. Although I know all of you (Moro) look forward to my posts, I figured that if the Sports Guy took the holidays off, so could I. I had originally planned to take off from Thanksgiving till the end of Kwanzaa, but when I checked the blog today I must say I was quite disturbed. You see, there are many annoying things on the internet. We have popups, but if you don't like popups, you can get a popup blocker. But when I saw that our perfectly good blog has been littered with random advertisement links, I must say I was very disappointed. While I have been known to link to some weird things, I ask you all, who didn't enjoy that picture of a doody head? And let's be honest, Av would be lying if he told you that he didn't enjoy that link to the shirtless man. So, I'll leave you all with some great deals on travel for the holidays. (Alright, that is not a link to travel deals, but at least it's not a link to vioxx either. Which reminds me, what the hell is vioxx and why the hell is it so popular on the internet?)

Snowball fight

The other night after a long day, Zubes and I devised a hilarious scheme: we went over to Bounce's place, rang the doorbell, waited for him to come outside to open the door, and then pelted him with snowballs. Such good times. I hope he doesn't sue us though, because then I will have to hire a vioxx attorney, and we all know how much of a hassle that could be.

Beatles

Here is a list of my 5 favorite Beatles songs:
1. Let it Be
2. While My Guitar Gently Weeps
3. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts
4. Hey Jude
5. Yellow Submarine (aka Yellow Diamond Rings)

Finals suck

My life is so depressing right now. My schedule is roughly: 9am-wake up, 10am- go to Hillel where I study in the grad lounge, 12pm-lunch, 1pm-back to studying, 6pm-dinner, 730pm- back to studying, 12am- go to sleep. It's ok though because I listen to depressing songs all day to drive the depression even deeper in. As long as I don't end up with one of those Risk Management Jobs, I'll be happy though. Those are the worst.

Metsblog lies

For the last week, many of us have been getting much of our baseball information and rumors from a site called Metsblog. However, I will not be relying on it any more because it is clear that Metsblog, much like NFL.com and CNN, lies. They said that the Mets were getting Zito and now today they say that they won't. I call that lying. As punishment, I decree that Pet Tags should be placed on each of the writers for Metsblog so people will know that much like pets, they are liars

World Knows How Tough Brett Favre is

See, here's the thing. Brett Favre's finger is falling off and he still decides to go back into the game. He's tough. We know that already; it's a given. To play 206 consecutive starts at quarterback you have to be.

So the Chicago Tribune releases its game summary to the press, and it reaches all the way to San Jose where I guess a select few people actually care about football (I am shocked they didn't have a parade to welcome Joe Thornton to town, being that hockey is their only sport and everything). And papers do this all the time, supporting and helping each other. Which is all fine. But take a look at how the article ends:

"Tonight and (Monday) it will be really sore," said Favre, who hesitatingly added that he has a large blister on his right foot and got kicked in the right shin.

"It's nothing I can't handle. I'm just kind of banged up. (Defensive back) Mike Brown caught me one time perfect in the ribs. I fell on my head. I got hit in my back late in the game. You find out how tough you are."

"The rest of the league found that out about him a long time ago."

Why not just let Favre end his own article with his quote? Why add a throwaway line like that to the end ala Newsweek. It's not good reporting or writing. What's the point of it?

Dan

Ripped From The Headlines

Separated At Birth: CNN.com's example of a baby born in Malawi, "a poor central African country where the life expectancy is only 37 years" and Gollum from the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

It's getting quite hot in here suddenly,

Dan

Imagine Living Next To This Guy (A Must See)

Video...too....good....for.....words.

Please watch this multiple times. Make sure to check out the comments below.

Dan